4th May 2016 at 3:50 pm #16327AeroParticipant
So I went to court last year with the outcome of a child arrangement order, we have a (detail removed by moderator)year old child. It was a really stressful time. I am pleased with the order in most points- he is not. Now he is pushing me for mediation only (detail removed by moderator) months after the order. Why? As our child was too sick to travel the long distance to his house (detail removed by moderator) last weekend and he doesn’t believe me he was ill. He is also interpreting the order in an odd way and making unreasonable requests. I can’t go to mediation with such a controlling man. My solicitor also feels it would not be appropriate. So now he is threatening to take me to court again with the stress and money this entails. I can’t say no if I am served papers. I am frustrated as he is still achieving his aim of controlling me. I feel powerless over the situation.
4th May 2016 at 7:16 pm #16348AyannaParticipant
Hmmm, I am just thinking, that you should not have to spend a penny on the court costs. If he initiates a hearing he has to pay, not you. You do not need to agree to anything.
Get a sick note from your GP.
Gather evidence, write statements in advance so that you are prepared for the eventuality.
Usually court orders are not changed once they have been spoken.
If you argue well he will just waste his money.
4th May 2016 at 7:40 pm #16352SerenityParticipant
Unfortunately, these abusers like to create drama.
We need to protect ourselves by gathering actual evidence to support our case- what someone I know called being ‘aggressive with the evidence.’ That is, log actual times, dates, get doctors’ notes, proof from nursery school that he was unwell, etc.
If it did go to court, just stay as calm as you can and always make the child’s needs your focus.
4th May 2016 at 10:34 pm #16384LisaMain Moderator
Welcome to the forum! I am so pleased to see that you have had some practical and supportive replies. Sadly we all know that abusive men can often continue the abuse through child contact long after the relationship is over. I agree that logging evidence of his behaviour is a very good idea and please also know that that your local Women’s Aid group and the helpline can offer you plenty of support, counselling and access to the freedom program which would all be helpful to you. Your local Women’s Aid group may also have access to a children’s worker who could help your little ones voice be heard.
You are doing so well. Please remember that you do not need to have regular contact with him and you only need to stick to your contact order, demands by him outside of that do not have to be agreed too.
Please be kind to yourself, you are a great Mum.
5th May 2016 at 10:18 pm #16453AeroParticipant
Thank you everyone for your replies. It’s great to have people out there who can listen to me moan but also give helpful suggestions!
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