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It takes so long to try and get any kind of justice. No wonder women who find the strength to leave don’t take it any further and they get away with it. I managed to get out last year and now that I feel stronger I want to fight to try and get him held accountable as I found out through a disclosure that I am not the first and that made me sick. Still I stayed with him and he got worse. He broke my heart and I will not walk away from this until he is made to pay. However it is exhausting and now the officer dealing with my case is away for (detail removed by moderator) before the investigation even begins. I was treated terribly by the police last year and things would have been further forward by now if they had handled it differently. Now here I am a year down the line starting over with a domestic abuse officer but there’s only so much she can do in the time that she has. As the victim I’ve been trying to get my work and the police to speak to each other as he is walking about in there dealing with members of the public etc free to meet someone and do this again and it could be even worse next time. I feel so frustrated because I am sitting here knowing about his more than one conviction on top of what I am starting with the police and yet no one can know. I’ve managed to get my work to start doing basic disclosures for one whole department which is a big breakthrough but the chances of something showing up for him are slim as I think his conviction was a few years ago and will now be classed as ‘spent’ on his record and won’t show up on a basic.
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I hear you. It took six months for my ex to even get charged. And every time I called the police and the officer in charge of my case wasn’t there, they told me to call back. Often I left messages and he never called me. I always used to wonder how my clients would feel if I treated them that way.
I’ve come out of all this as no fan of the police at all, but all I can say to you is hang on in there. It took forever, but he got convicted in the end, although his sentence was a joke. What kept me going was the idea that he could do this to someone else and maybe they wouldn’t be as lucky as me to survive it.
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My work want me to make a statement Landy and the police have said to hold off but I am feeling so restless. I want to speak to work now and tell them everything but at the end of the day it is his word against mine and I have no concrete evidence. The findings would go back to HR and they would make the decision if there was to be disciplinary action taken against him. This is separate from the police. The police move so slowly and were a terrible support last year that I don’t trust it will only take 12 weeks with them and so I just go on waiting and waiting and feeling so restless!? Knowing he is walking around there to pick up others and after what he has done to me.
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Would it put you in a difficult position to make a statement to your work place without the police protection of their input? I am not sure that your organisation can protect you in the same way as having this properly recorded with the police, who are the only ones to put this to the CPS. I am not a fan of the police either and absolutely understand from first hand experience how the waiting can be torture. Looking after yourself first, may help others more in the long run. xx
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That’s the trouble with dv. It’s often one person’s word against another. Did you keep a journal or mention it to your gp?
Personally, I’d do whatever you think is best for you. Tbh, I’m not sure all the waiting and grief was worth it in the end for me when you consider the sentence he got. The only good thing really was the restraining order.
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I didn’t keep a journal but I have put together a 15 page timeline for the police which I can use as a basis for my statement to the company I work for. It’s a large well known company and they are taking it very seriously but can’t do anything without my statement. I agree that it may put me in a vulnerable position without the police as he will then know about it as they will interview him too and it is his word against mine but I’ve started turning down work (I’m a freelancer) because I don’t want to see him in there now that the fog has cleared and I know what he is. All I know if that waiting for the police is painful and if they had acted when I reported him the first time another year wouldn’t have gone by. I don’t think the first officer even looked up his record to see that he had convictions as she put it down to a little tiff and said he wasn’t angry with me!!!! Amongst other ridiculous things that she said to me after she had interviewed him which the domestic abuse officer had said should never have happened without a statement from me. I am full of anger now and I know if need to be careful that I just don’t jump the gun too soon but the company I work for have been so supportive and the police haven’t and I am under no illusion that the police will do the investigation swiftly.
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