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    • #110787
      Wants To Help
      Participant

      I’ve been out of my abuse for well over a decade and have very little contact with my ex, maybe a few emails a year, if that. As our son is now old enough to communicate with his Dad himself it’s made my contact with him virtually unnecessary.

      Our son is now a young man approaching a significant birthday. He works, he’s at college full time and he drives, but the other day I had a letter from the CSA regarding continuing to claim for him whilst he’s in full time education. I have responded, so my ex sent me a curt email telling me he was going to appeal against it because as far as he’s concerned our son is not in full time education (the course is a full time one but because he is not actually at college Mon-Fri my ex disputes this!) The tone of his email was typical so I chose to ignore it.

      Within hours, my ex then emailed our son regarding the CSA payments and how he was looking forward to not having to pay as he can’t afford it and (detail removed by moderator) Their relationship has been strained of late due to my ex disowning our son over something my ex doesn’t agree with, so our son tried to maturely broach this subject and asked to speak to his Dad on the phone to try and build bridges again. My son came down to me earlier today laughing and told me his Dad had just had another strop and to listen to the content of the emails. True to form, my ex responded just how he used to and we both had to laugh when my ex replied to my son (detail removed by moderator).

      I know it’s no laughing matter in some aspects, but my son cottoned on to what his Dad was like quite a few years ago, and today, his behaviour and response was so true to form that we both just know he’ll never change. He’s a tyrant and it’s his way or no way, still, (detail removed by moderator)!

       

       

    • #110790
      iliketea
      Participant

      Ha, I love that response, and so so true! Sorry you have had to see it again but glad you and your son can laugh and move on from it. But guess it must also be a good reminder too, not that I think you’d have doubts 15 years down the line but its still healthy to have it reinforced every now and again!!
      Im counting down the years already!

    • #110791
      Turtledove
      Participant

      Wants To Help, he sounds like such a mature man 😂They are basically just toddlers in mens bodies aren’t they! And laughing is good, I look back on alot of things now and laugh so much. These of ‘men’ don’t change, if anything they seem to get worse with age. And it’s good that your son has woken up too but can see the funny side xx

      • #110796
        Wants To Help
        Participant

        Honestly TurtleDove, my son shows far more maturity. A few years back now he actually thanked me for taking him away from his Dad, he’s seen the lives his brothers live and he said he knows what his life would have been like if I’d stayed with him. I’ve never once regretted leaving and starting over again.

      • #110801
        Turtledove
        Participant

        My (detail removed by moderator) old Daughter acts more grown up than my abuser. It’s embarrassing at times. You did the right thing by your son and the fact he sees that too will be reassuring for you. I know my daughters will thank me one day for leaving their father. It’s definately been no kind of life living with him and that would never change. And I definately don’t want my daughters thinking that this is what a real man is, he isn’t a man. I want the girls to never be in the position I’ve had to be in xx

         

    • #110792
      Wants To Help
      Participant

      Hey, good to hear from you 🙂

      Thank you, yes, I think maybe I thought he could mellow in his old age but apparently not lol

    • #110802
      Lottieblue
      Participant

      All you amazing women who left these idiots have me awe-struck.
      I don’t know how I’ll ever do it.
      I don’t know why it’s so difficult. I just don’t.
      You are so strong. I want a life free from my monster but I don’t know how will ever get it. I feel that even if I get to the point of leaving he will somehow pull a Joker out of is bag and stop me.

      I know it probably seems like I’ve hijacked your post but I haven’t. My point really is that you are an amazing woman, as are so many of the women on here.
      It’s not full-time education… shows how in tune he is. Writing to his son… what a git. Telling him he can’t afford to support him. Idiot.

      How am I going to walk away from my idiot?

    • #110805
      Wants To Help
      Participant

      Hey @lottieblue, you haven’t hijacked the post at all. And thanks for the wonderful compliment but I’m not amazing at all, honestly, when I left I was a total mess and I fled in absolute desperation. Mine wasn’t a planned leave at all. It was so hard, but strange things happened, things just fell in to place, total strangers rallied round and were so helpful, they became life long valued friends.

      There is no way I could have planned what happened to me or the outcome. The journey just unfolded as I travelled it, and looking back now, I wouldn’t change it. I learned so much about humanity, how many good people there are in the world, and it changed me for the better too.

      If you want out lottieblue, take the plunge and go for it x

    • #110890
      Beautifulday
      Participant

      hi @lottieblue I completely agree with you these ladies are so so strong and I hope too that I can find the courage to leave my partner. I am wasting my life 🙁 I’m not getting any younger, I moan and talk about my situation yet I’m frozen to the spot and feel stuck. I can’t muster the courage to say “its over” or im not happy as I’m so trauma bonded. And I never see a way out

    • #110895
      Wants To Help
      Participant

      When somebody explained to me the Cycle of Abuse they drew a circle. The shape in itself is a continuous ’round’ with no corners, no beginning, no end. So round and round it goes. Unless a ‘break’ is inserted in it, it’s forever. I was encouraged to put that ‘break’ in to the circle to stop it going round and round, because if I didn’t, he wouldn’t. It suited him to have the continuity of the circle, therefore, this ‘cycle of abuse’ would go on forever. The lady who explained it to me took out an eraser and handed it to me and asked me to rub part of the circle out. I rubbed out a section. There was the break in it. It was no longer a circle, it had an end point. There was the gap to escape it.

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