My ex sucked the confidence out of me. His favourite phrase to me was ‘are you £%&^*” stupid or something?’. He would tell me everyone at work hated me and was scared of me. He said that he could do my job just by reading my trade magazines. He said I was not aggresive enougth at work. He complained that I spent too much time at work but in the same breath would say I should be looking for a bigger job with more pay.
My relationship with my boss has been a bit parent/child and deep down I know this is because I am scared of what she thinks of me and that actually I am rubbish at my job etc…
Last week however I had an epithany moment.
There is a promotion I want to go for and I have been talking myself out of it but suddenly it was like logic caught up with me.
I hold a position of some responsibility and I now realise I am well respected in my organisation. It suddenly hit me that if, during a long abusive marriage, I could not only hang onto my job but manage to progress up…..well what on earth could I achieve now that I am free and out of the marriage ?!?
And suddenly I wanted to fight for the promotion. I know I could do a good job of it, I actually know that I could. I have not changed overnight (still lack confidence in other areas) but quite frankly the facts were starting me in the face and I could no longer listen to my inner child, I had to pay attention to the adult.