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The more I think about it the more I realise that he gaslights me more and more. It just happened, he asked me how I was and then got angry because I didn’t answer in the ‘right’ way. So what should of been an opportunity for me to tell him how I was feeling turned into an argument I couldn’t win and now my anxiety is even worse than before – you simply can’t win. This is no life.
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Good morning Cornflake,
It’s good that you are recognising these signs of abusive behaviour, and you are right, it is no life.
However, this was never an opportunity for you to tell him how you are feeling, there never will be. You may think you have opportunities to discuss your feelings with him but the fact is he’s not actually interested in your feelings and doesn’t really care about them. All he will hear is you talking, he won’t actually pay any attention to what you are saying because that might mean that he will have to change his ways or behaviour to accommodate your feelings! Never going to happen when we are in a relationship with an abuser. So he’ll turn how you feel back on you and make it seem like you are the one whose behaviour needs to change in order to make him happier so that you’ll be happier, and round and round we go in the cycle of abuse…If you now recognise and accept this is not a life you want to live then start channelling your time and energy into what you want out of life and look at what steps you can start to take to achieve that. If it means separating from him is that a viable option for you? If you are not happy you have to accept that you are not going to achieve happiness from him becoming ‘something more that what he is’. Your happiness has to be created by you doing whatever you need to do to become happy.
xx
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