Gaslighting

[Daffy03]

How is it that some days my rational mind feels strong but more often than not i feel trapped.

I know my partner will attack me again, i know when they say “well you did this” or “it’s because you act like this” that it’s their narrisistic personality trying to control me but still i can’t leave. Threats to contact my family, go to my work etc I can’t escape.

i am so alone, where they say they have told their friends they attacked me and they understand why they did it.

i have lost everyone coz i can’t talk about it and it’s all that consumes me

[searchingforhope]

@Daffy03 I wish I had the answer for you. Hopefully others here will provide more guidance than I can.
Like you there are days I’m strong and I know what I want and I can figure this all out. And then its like I’m spiralling again into self-doubt. Similar to you he only did X, because I made him feel bad first or I didn’t support him properly or in the wrong way.

I feel embarrassed to talk to my supports now as I’m so near a huge step to move out and I’m so stuck where I am right now.

Try be kind to yourself. I think we have so much to process in the mess. xx

[Daffy03]

I just feel lost, i know isolation is part of it, pushing me to work (detail removed by Moderator) when they are about, knowing i can’t see friends and family.

i look at myself and don’t even know myself, some days i think i’m leaving i don’t care what you throw at me. i nearly got out the other week and they begged to spend 1 evening together as a goodbye i stupidly did and now i’m stuck again. i feel i missed my chance.

thank you for responding i’m hoping that although it’s not friendship that being here will make me feel not so alone

[Bananaboat]

You only missed that chance, it doesn’t mean another won’t happen, it definitely doesn’t mean you’re stuck forever. I know It feels that way, I remember it vividly but that’s the cognitive dissonance and trauma bonding, the guilt and your body’s chemical addictions talking – basically all the mind wizardry and conditioning you’ve suffered. I’ve used it a few times before as it really struck me when I first read it, but in a non-abuse relationship if one or both parties are unhappy, one or both choose to leave. Yea it hurts, yes emotions can run high but ultimately even if one person wants to stay, the relationship ends and you have choices. Abusive relationships remove you seeing & feeling like you have a choice. But you do and you deserve to be happy. x

[Bananaboat]

The other bit I forgot to say is that mine used to say he told his friends and they all agree I’m (insert any nasty insult going). In reality he hasn’t told a sole as he’s all about his image. Even if he has, you know your truth and if ppl choose to believe his rubbish then they aren’t your people, likely to be his flying monkeys and enablers.

You’re not alone. This forum is a godsend and if you reach out there’s help there. Learning about abuse is a really positive step because you recognise the signs, begin to believe you’re not the problem. Baby steps are still steps forward, leaving is a huge step which can take time just stay safe xx

[Daffy03]

thank you so much for taking the time to reply and yes i agree maybe saying they have told people is different to me knowing it, i know some of it has been shared but to what extent. i’m going to do some reading on what you said. thank you xx

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