Gaslighting

[VikingQueen]

I told him on (detail removed by moderator) it really was over and stop trying to get back together.
Since then it’s been horrendous.
I’m writing everything down in case I’m forced to involve the police.
He’s now totally gaslighting me, saying he’s so worried about me as he knows I’m taking drugs, which if you ever met me would almost be hilarious as I’m the least likely person to ever do that.
He’s obsessed with it, he’s drinking every night and he’s nasty and manipulative and I’m so anxious verging on fear. He stares at me saying my eyes are bloodshot, I’m slurring my words and I change personality after popping to the loo. None of those things are true.
What should I do?

[VikingQueen]

Just to add to this, I heard him go out for a cigarette and I took the chance to pop to the loo
I heard him (detail removed by moderator) on the phone to someone saying I was on drugs and I’d started with smoking then moved to (detail removed by moderator) and now I’m taking (detail removed by moderator). He said someone is going to end up (detail removed by moderator) her as she’s driving around with (detail removed by moderator).
I feel like I’m going to have to go to the police. Has anyone done that for coercive control when there’s no bruises to prove it’s abuse? Xx

[Footballfan1]

Hi,

You can report him for domestic abuse without physical abuse.
The criminal side of it would be the cohesion in your case.
I read your post a few days ago where he grabbed you between the legs.
That’s sexual assault too.
If you ring the police, give a statement of everything he has done over the years.
They took me seriously, I only called for 1 incident that happened but then ended up giving a long statement of all the things he had done.
It is a common tactic to lie about you, if your friends and family know you, they will hopefully understand it’s lies.
Do you have children?
If not, there isn’t much the police would do without evidence of drugs in the house anyway.
Since splitting, my ex is telling everyone that it is because I have had multiple affairs and I’m an alcoholic.
Neither is true.
I’m not even bothering to try and explain to people , I’m leaving them to their own opinions.
His family always said what a lazy so n so he was, and knew he smoked weed for many years.
If they want to suddenly forget all about that, it’s their own problem.

[Footballfan1]

I forgot to add, now that the old lies are wearing thin he has started saying I’m menopausal and that’s why I’m acting the way I am.
I’m nowhere near that age and besides even if I were, he can’t even see that it’s offensive to say that the menopause is making me act out of character.
It’s purely because he can’t understand why I’m not listening to him and letting him control me anymore.
He needs an excuse to process how he has lost control over me.

[Bananaboat]

He’s trying to paint himself as the victim before you can get your truth out there. He’s also deflecting, mine was like this but like you I’d never touch drugs and barely drink and any drug test I’d do would be clean whereas he was a heavy user of both. Once they realise they can’t manipulate you anymore they turn their sights on turning ppl against you. Well done for contacting the police, I hope you get some peace very soon xx

[Author]

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