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    • #117179
      thepoppygirl
      Participant

      I never came across anyone doing something like this and I’m beginning to doubt myself!
      My partner sometimes tells me I have said things that I know I did not say! He twice told me that I told him to kill himself which is something I would never say to anyone! He also told me that I have made fun of his body. When I asked him about it he said I laughed at him. We did laugh a lot that evening so I thought maybe he misunderstood something so I explained the things I have laughed at and I reminded him that I actually huged him when he felt insecure. He said he doesn’t remember that, but then he laughed and said he did remember that I hugged him. He said he just misremembered some things.
      He does have bad memory but I’m finding it upsetting. He’s calm when he says those things.

    • #117180
      Camel
      Participant

      He doesn’t have a poor memory. He’s not forgetting things or misremembering things. He’s telling you that you did and said things that you don’t remember. He’s making out that it’s your memory that’s bad.

      He isn’t misremembering anything. According to his retelling of the evening, you managed to miss both insulting him and how upset this made him.

      If you upset him it would be normal behaviour for him to say something at the time. This would give you the chance to put things right. It’s not normal to carry on as if everything is OK at the time, only to bring it up later.

      Next time he says you did something you know you didn’t, don’t disagree with him. Tell him you’re so worried about these episodes that you’re seeing your GP for tests.

    • #117203
      KIP.
      Participant

      Google gaslighting. It’s an abusers tactic to make us think we are losing the plot. It causes confusion and insecurity and hes doing it deliberately. Do you forget or misinterpret anything anyone else tells you? I doubt it x

      • #117214
        thepoppygirl
        Participant

        Would you confront him about it?

    • #117204
      Anonymous
      Inactive

      My ex did this all the time. He thought if he said something enough times or shouted it loud enough, it made it true.

    • #117216
      KIP.
      Participant

      No there’s no point in confronting him. He will just gaslight you more. Verbal salad. Keep a journal of his behaviour then you can look at it when you’re not so confused by it. Or ask on here for opinions if you’re still reality testing which is what I did for a long time.

    • #117224
      Camel
      Participant

      KIP is right, there’s no point in confronting them about anything they do. You’ll just end up in circular arguments. He’ll deny everything and blame you. You’ll be more confused than ever.

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