Getting my ducks in a row

[Anonymous]

This is my kick up the a*s to myself. There is no way on God’s green Earth that the nitwit I married (married?!?!) Is ever going to be right. And these are the things I need to accept
– getting divorced is OK. It’s not a sin. It’s not a failure. It’s OK to admit you were wrong
– I was wrong. I thought he was good. He’s not. This doesn’t need analysing
– he might have all the money in the world. But it turns out money doesn’t make you happy.
– no longer having a mortgage is OK. Plenty of people rent. Just because you rent doesnt make you “less”
– the kids will survive this
– you can be a good mum and not stay at home. Plenty of great mothers work.
– it’s OK to want to be happy
– the divorce won’t necessarily make the kids desperately unhappy
– wanting sex is OK. I am not a s**t
– being a single parent isn’t awful. It’s a necessity.
– no matter what he says, he won’t necessarily get the kids
– I am not unemployable and I have achieved plenty, no matter what he says
– ill have to accept i’ll never now be able to live where I want to. But if the price of location is misery, that price is too high

Soon I am getting back into work. Can’t wait. Time to start leaving.

[Beautifulday]

Thank you so much for this! Really what I needed to hear right now. Sometimes when you come from an old fashioned upbringing it’s ingrained in you that marriage should be for life regardless of if your unhappy:( im still young and I feel this. Its time I stopped thinking this way. Like you say Divorce is ok ! I just always worry too much about what others think that is my problem

[Eggshells]

Wow @Sande. ✅ ✅ ✅ on all of those.

This is fantastic and you are wonderful. I think you’ve taken the most common fears of many many women and just blown the myths away.

As one who has been out a few months and recently gone non contact, I can validate everything you have said. Life is different, it’s not always easy but it is mine to live the way I want. Here’s to you! 🥂

[Weepingwillow]

Thank you Sandw. So much I needed to hear . 💕 xx

[Dilly]

Sande – everything you’ve said is true and uplifting to hear. I am currently trying to divorce my husband, still living in same house – which has been every bit as bad as I knew it would be. At first telling my family and friends I was divorcing him was difficult, shaming etc, because as far as they were concerned we had been in a ‘happy’ marriage for all those years. I had hidden his abuse and covered for him and the shame of admitting it felt intolerable. But here’s the thing, once I had told family and close friends what was going on and once they had recovered from the shock, most were hugely supportive. There will always be some who choose to avoid you after that or worse take some pleasure in your downfall. But then at least you find out who your real friends are. And believe it or not I found there were a few positive things that happened to me after I asked for the divorce.
– It was liberating not to have to hide the abuse any more and keep pretending everything was fine. I stopped living a lie.
– I got to sleep in my own bedroom. Yes I did have to move into the smallest room and yes my clothes and precious things are in piles all over the place and yes I did have to put a lock on the door – but the joy of finally having my own precious space/sanctuary after so many years was heaven.
– Removing him and his friends (and for me also his family) from my social media accounts. This was very important. What I couldn’t see couldn’t hurt me.
I am still not free of him and am only half way through the divorce. And as hard as it is, I do not for one moment regret deciding to divorce him.

[Author]

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