Getting my things back

[Broadbodiedchaser]

I am still trying to get the rest of my sentimental things back from what was our house.

We separated just over (detail removed by moderator) ago. I’d experienced controlling and manipulative behaviour. He hasn’t communicated with me for almost (detail removed by moderator) except accusatory, upsetting emails about my behaviour which I don’t respond to.

He finally sent me an email this week saying he had been waiting for me to collect my things for the past (detail removed by moderator). He would put items in the (detail removed by moderator) in an (detail removed by moderator) at the side if the house for me to collect. He’s not letting me sort or collect anything again… only what he wants to get rid of. I still want to collect my things of value to me!

I tried to collect items at the start if the year but he sent a very upsetting email to me two days before so I cancelled because I wanted someone with me.

I only have the (detail removed by moderator) floor to put anything anyway. My house is tiny so I can’t house large items. By holding onto my things he has control again…

I tried to set up mediation but after they spoke with him they said it would all have to go through a court process. My Mum has got to pay for me as I have no savings… it’ll all come off any inheritance I get.

[Strongenough]

I’m so sorry you are going through this. I had a similar situation and in the end I made the painful and difficult decision to lose my belongings, sentimental items were amongst this and it pained me for a very long time.

I can’t advise you what to do I can only let you know your not alone in this experience. I get what you mean when you say “he’s in control again”. That’s how I felt and for me the only way I could feel as though I could take control back was to not play his games but with the high price of losing my items. He wouldn’t have given me everything anyway, again control and contact is usually what they are seeking.

[Broadbodiedchaser]

Thank you. I went over. He started filming and recording me while he asked me questions. I asked him to stop as I hadn’t given him permission but he continued. Then he wanted to discuss a plan for the children. He almost sounded reasonable but told me I was (detail removed by moderator). I never even shouted at him. I only swore once out of panic and cried when he said he had (detail removed by moderator). He’s said I can have (detail removed by moderator) so long as I agree to contribute to my daughters (detail removed by moderator). I said that sounded like an ultimatum… he said it wasn’t… I feel completely numb and I’ve come up to bed. I don’t want to cook the dinner.

[Broadbodiedchaser]

The form came through for his (detail removed by Moderator) to be taken from me. I can’t afford my bills without this money. I’m really worried…

[Twisted Sister]

How are you doing?

I wondered if you were doing ok and it seems like its getting worse.

Do write if you need anything else.

warmest wishes

ts

[Broadbodiedchaser]

Thank you. I’ve not checked in for a while which I guess means I’m coping better. The divorce is finally going through but will take a while. I resigned myself to not being able to get the rest if my stuff. He won’t communicate about anything, even our children. I still miss him occasionally but only little things that we once enjoyed. I don’t miss the way he undermined and made me feel rubbish. I’m getting there… which is good I guess. I hope you are ok too? Thank you.

[Broadbodiedchaser]

Divorce is still ‘going through’ but I feel good and strong.  Friends told me, it’s just ‘stuff’ and you don’t need it back.  I disagree to an extent.  My things are part of me, my identity and when they are around me they make me feel comforted and ‘at home.’  I think it’s important for other people to realise that it is not just ‘stuff’.  I didn’t get everything back, but I did manage to get my photographs and some of my ornaments and plants.  I find that that is enough to make me feel grounded.  If you lose everything, in terms of possessions, it must be incredibly hard.  But, I wonder if you can afford to purchase similar ‘things’ off FB Marketplace, etc. and make new memories, etc.  You can rebuild some of what you’ve lost?

[Indeepindance]

I’m having this issue still, it’s been months and I’m being punished for leaving and issuing some home truths on my way out, I know it. Despite this man claiming to fly straight, be humble, wise, blah blah blah. He is actually so Manipulative, vindictive, a thief and controlling and has no need to keep all my household goods and personal property. It’s frustrating but I have to let go and not give weight to it any longer but it’s hard. No point in fighting him as he doesn’t play fair and I’ll end up worse off than I am now.

I refuse to continue to feel guilty for what I said to him and justify why he’s ignoring my requests.

So yep I’ll be on FB marketplace or in the charity shops to replace whatever isn’t personal or sentimental to me. All the family photos etc. are gone forever but I hope that stays on his mind too, what can you do.

Xxxxx

[Author]

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