Getting out and evidence

[Newgirl]

Hello I’m new here and happy to finally have realised. I have been looking at options to how I can get out, I have an adult daughter who depends on me and also an autistic teenage son. I believe to get council housing you have to evidence the abuse, how can you evidence emotional abuse? Yes it’s draining and has changed me after years but just how? Thank you

[Needout]

Hello. I’m also new here. I have been trying to get out since (detail removed by moderator) with no light at the end of the tunnel. I too do not know how you can prove that someone can be so mentally draining and so horrible with words yet still make out your to blame and they are only the way they are because of x amount of reasons. I too am struggling to see where there’s any end to all of this

[Newgirl]

I’m so sorry to hear that! It is so hard isn’t it? I feel like I am waiting for the next big episode so I can say I’m going but that sounds easier than it is. I have started an online journal with an app called bright sky which appears as either a weather app a game or something else and it sends it to an email- I have only just discovered this. All I keep thinking is there has to be a light at the end of the tunnel, I know how hard it is trust me I do I stayed here thinking it was best for the kids but now they are getting older I just can’t do it anymore I am a shadow of myself as probably you are also but I’m sure we can help each other to get to that light we can do this somehow x

[Needout]

Do you feel as though you don’t know where to start? I feel as though I haven’t got enough head space to help myself as I’m so stressed out with trying to keep up with basic daily life of work and children and his outbursts that I’m too drained and head numb for anything else. Plus people who don’t go through it seem to not fully understand how draining it actually is.
But like you I am not losing this time. I refuse to. Here’s to finding our light 🥰 x

[Newgirl]

Omg yes this is kind of my start! People just say leave and I feel like saying if it was that easy don’t you think I would have done that! I’m not here for the pity. My head is all over the place with what mood will he come home in and what have I done this time normal house work shopping and looking after the kids is hard enough add this on top and well like you said it’s draining. We will find the light we deserve it and yes it may be tough but we will get there. We can be happy again and we can get ourselves back rather than the shell we have become x

[KIP.]

Hi, please contact your local womens aid and start now keeping a secret journal of his behaviour. Log the abuse with your GP, let them know the impact on your mental health. In your journal, note any witnesses to his abuse. I secretly recorded an assault but only if you feel safe enough to do so. Talk to your local police domestic abuse unit. Coercive control is a crime now. Read Living with the Dominator by Pat Craven. I know how you feel, gather a support network, talk to a solicitor. I know how difficult it is but understanding how abusers operate is key x baby steps x

[Newgirl]

Thank you so much I have only just started a journal often no witnesses to it however I’m the morning my daughter (detail removed by moderator) she’s older. Recording is a no go as he questions my phone as it is to the point I don’t go on it while he about but it has to be out on show. The mental abuse has gone on for years as in that too is low cut etc nothing major but now I am being accused of online relationships purely as I have no interest in sex. Sex has never been frequent in the first place so not sure why it’s an issue now. I have health conditions and my age that I just can’t be bothered with it I just want to go to sleep. He moans and makes me uncomfortable if a friend pops round and then I feel guilty same with my mum to the point she tends to come round when he is at work. It has been going on for years and I knew I wasn’t happy for years but now realise the emotional abuse so I have only just started with a journal. To the outside world people think he is a lovely man but I go days with him not talking to me as I’ve used the wrong tone or I don’t care etc it’s hard to care when you don’t feel cared for! It doesn’t matter what I do or say it’s wrong. I’m so drained that I’m in tears at the drop of a hat I’m trying to work at home and he moans if (detail removed by moderator) I just feel like I’m done I honestly have had enough he wants the outside to think he is a good person so will never admit it I have no hope it’s his house I have signed something to say I have no rights over it as my credit is not good I’m now doing a debt management so I have some control over it and can get out.

[KIP.]

Get some legal advice. Most solicitors offer an initial free consultation. Don’t believe a word he says. There’s nothing you can do to stop his abuse. He will simply move the goal posts or invent something to drag you down because he gets pleasure and fuel from your demise. Time to put yourself out. I escaped after decades of abuse. It’s tough but well worth the fight. Get all your ducks in a row and tell him nothing. He’s moaning about sex because it’s something you’ve said no to. That’s a word he can’t stand ‘no’.

[Newgirl]

Thank you so much for all your help I’m so sorry you had to go through it all too but it’s nice seeing people out of it

[Author]

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