Getting out for good

[lilaclady]

Hi ladies been on this forum I would say almost a (detail removed by moderator)… and it’s been such a help to me.

Separated with my husband as I could no longer live with his verbal abuse. Fully with the intention of seeing if he could change (with counselling etc) I KNEW he wouldn’t. Its always the same he’s fine for a bit then totally stresses out and phones me and loses it. Well (detail removed by moderator) he did that for one last time. I’ve been really struggling with the end of my marriage, and also fully aware he will be a nightmare to divorce. But it’s over. I can’t keep living like this.

Trying to stay strong. Luckily I am over in the UK currently (I live in (detail removed by moderator)) looking after my mum so its been great having my family around. Anyone got any tips for somehow surviving and keeping yourself strong through the divorce process? It’s going to be utter hell but I am trying to think of life on the other side of this.

[Falling Skys]

Hi

Keep focus on the prize (freedom from abuse), keep contact to a minimum with your abuser, let your solicitor deal with him.

Forgive yourself (I was and still am angry for putting up with it for so long), make some me time (a little pamper does you good).

Take support from family/friends. Also post here, the ladies can give great advice.

Good luck FS xx

[lilaclady]

Thanks so much Falling Skys this forum so helpful so will keep posting thanks for your advice xx

[Confused123]

Hey HUn

So glad to hear u in the uk with your family. Keep reaching out for support naad do the no contact. Having your family around u will keep u strong, talk to your family where u can , and post on here whenever u need advice . It is a painful process but u will get through it

[lilaclady]

Thank you Confused123 it is great to be with my family and friends, though I head home in a few days which I am dreading. Trying to keep strong I can feel myself wavering on this decision BUT I have felt like this before and the strong feeling of this is over is way stronger than before so hoping I can carry this through and get through this, somehow!

[Lightness]

Hi Lila lady

It sounds like you will need a good lawyer who understands jurisdiction issues relating to where you are entitled to get divorced

The fact you realise it will be difficult is a good thing. Expect him to be the lowest of the low with how he engages in the process – assuming he does of course.

I have found trying to rebuild my life now rather than wait for the divorce, has been important as I don’t want to waste more years on him. I’m not talking about new relationships – I mean in terms of new job new hobbies etc.

I have found yoga invaluable in terms of helping me to focus on the present – not the past and not the future. Divorce is stressful as the abuse continues with it.

KC

[Ayanna]

Keep posting here lilaclady.
We will listen and support you.

Well done for making this decision. You are very strong. xx

[Walkley]

Me too finally after a lifetime of physical and mental abuse I’m going. He’s done the usually being super nice and caring signed up for therapy but it’s all c**p. I know that and it won’t work. I deserve to live in peace

[lilaclady]

Good on you Walkley! Glad you can see this and see you deserve to live in peace we all do! My husband now landing most of this at my door of course he fails to see its his behaviour that has caused this, caused our marriage to end. He is livid I won’t take responsibility and look inside at myself. And now the threats of me having to “get used to a new life as you aren’t having any of my money” he will do child support nothing more. And this from a man who earns considerably more than me. I want help buying a house for me and my son so we don’t have the instability of renting, and also my work is freelance so I cannot cover rent the whole time. Its going to be so horrific but I just want out now.

[Nova]

Lilac lady…good to hear you have great strength and you can do this.
I say its like a life jigsaw puzzle…piece by piece. Focus on a list and your priorities, then who maybe able to help. Your first priority is safety.
Citizens advice is a great source of help for practical signposting.
Obviously a lawyer, WA, rights for women, shelter, local council, the law society all specialists, and more support local to you. Support groups etc etc etc

As you know already, he wont help you, he hasn’t and he will no doubt make it difficult.
Best you keep looking after yourself and your son and gaining more insight to your way forward.
practically it helps you feel more secure (it did me anyway!) to know whats what and how to start to make a move in safety. take it easy

Hugs
Cx

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