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    • #122541
      True2myself
      Participant

      Hey everyone
      I don’t feel this guilt but I’m being made to feel guilty. Hopefully soon I’ll be away from him but him and his mum are telling me how will he cope without me. He says he won’t. The worry is alllll on him. I need to find ways not to let this effect me. He threatens suicide all the time. I actually dunno how him and his mum will cope without me. I’m relied on heavily. I don’t want what they say to catch up with me and make me feel guilty if he does something

    • #122565
      KIP.
      Participant

      They want you to feel guilty. They want to dump all the blame on you. If he threatens suicide then ring an ambulance for him. You’re not qualified to deal with someone who is suicidal, I bet his attitude changes when they arrive. Him and his mother are not your responsibility and if he hadn’t abused you he wouldn’t be where he is. No concern for your well-being. They will cope fine. Abusers always do. Ask yourself are you relied on or dumped on?

      • #122572
        True2myself
        Participant

        True I’m dumped on for sure. It’s been tough weekend and I’m feeling teary. Hopefully not long now though. I just know if I’m away and he does something I’ll feel bad even though I know I shouldn’t. Isn’t this just such a mess. I’m so lucky to have you all. Thanks kip x

    • #122580
      KIP.
      Participant

      He’s not your responsibility. Try not to worry about what hasn’t even happened. Keep yourself in the here and now. If he feels suicidal it’s upto him to go and get help from a doctor. Tell his mum he’s threatening suicide and let her deal with him. Tell social work and let them deal with him. It’s such a horrible thing to do is to tell somebody this. I know I’ve been suicidal in the past and I didn’t go around shouting about it. It’s just another controlling tactic x

      • #122651
        True2myself
        Participant

        Very true, I have had few times I felt that way and didn’t tell anyone but he knew and he was controlling me as I was putting pills in my mouth. He’s evil

    • #122586
      SILKIE
      Participant

      @truetomyself I left my husband (detail removed by moderator) ago but only now feeling strung enough to file for divorce. My feelings of guilt kept me from doing this before but they’ve almost gone. Yesterday, he even convinced my son he was going to kill himself. In the last few days, I’ve bern subjected to ‘i love you so much’, can’t live without you near by and the tears! In (detail removed by moderator), I’ve seen him cry twice! Never any sign of empathy until this week. Although even as I write this, I can think of one occasion when I think it was real but just one. I’ve found the guilt fading as my instinct kicks in. Reading your post, it sounds like his mother may be another victim but you must help yourself xx

      • #122650
        True2myself
        Participant

        Thank you, aren’t they awful. His mum is just as bad. They have both abused me. I dunno it’s just gonna be so difficult

    • #122674
      KIP.
      Participant

      I know it’s natural to fear the worse but try thinking of all the positive things that will happen when they are out your life. The freedom to eat, sleep, walk, watch tv, have friends, have a career, listen to the radio, have hobbies, spend quality time with kids, family. Make choices and yes make mistakes but they will be your mistakes and you will learn from them. Onwards and upwards x 💕

    • #122716
      Camel
      Participant

      Suicidal threats. I think we should focus on the ‘threat’ part. Abusers always threaten. That’s what keeps us in line. At some point they don’t have to ‘do’ they just need to ‘threaten to do’. We spend all our time making sure to do everything we can to stop them actually ‘doing’ the thing they’re ‘threatening to do’.

      Maybe I’m labouring the point a bit? I’m trying to show that threats of suicide work in exactly the same way as every other method of control.

      As the saying goes, the squeaky wheel gets the oil. Abusers are just squeaky wheels. Squeak, squeak.

      It’s sad but true – the one person I knew who took his own life did so without warning.

      • #122717
        True2myself
        Participant

        Very well put. Thank you. In the past he’s always said he’s too selfish to do that but he’s talked about it so much and when reality sets in when he’s living somewhere else and alone I just don’t know. It’s like the children don’t matter. It’s me or suicide.

    • #122718
      Camel
      Participant

      But it’s all talk.

      When threats of suicide fail to bring you to heel he’ll move on to some other method of control.

      Most likely it will involve your children – because he know it will be impossible for you not to react. Threats to go for sole custody. Threats to paint you as an unfit mother. Threats to refuse to provide for them.

      • #122729
        True2myself
        Participant

        Yeah he’s done that alot. Said he’s gonna put them into care cos he knows it will hurt me

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