Getting out with two kids.

[Trapped.]

Hi ladies.

Me again. I’ve been reading a lot of posts on here and I’m not really to sure how it will go in my situation. I need to get out, I’m sick of the emotional and mental and coercive behaviour. It’s making me walk on eggshells and fear when he gets angry as he was physically abusive to me before.

What I really want to know is, how you ladies did it with two young children? What are refuges like? I’m currently in (detail removed by moderator)  and wanting to love back to (detail removed by moderator) . It’s all so hard.
I can’t be honest with him about how I’m feeling or he will get angry, and give me threats about him killing himself. I don’t feel emotionally ready.
I need help.

[freedomtochoose]

Ok hon. well done for posting. it is a few years ago now, I didn’t have two kids, but one. I knew women who did though in the refuge. And perhaps I had equal challenges as I was already older when I got out.

If the system is the same: first you get in touch with WA. They will probably get you to fill in forms over the telephone (I remember standing in a park whilst mine was playing on the swings whilst I did this, out of earshot of anyone..as obviously I couldn’t do it at home). They also do risk assessment and so on.

After a while and possibly after meeting with someone – (again in a playground/park/café? even I did in my child’s school after the head was sympathetic and gave us a room to meet in)…after a while

they will probably ask you where you would prefer to go (out of your area..usually) you express a preference and then it is a matter of getting out.

Stash things at a friends house, ready so no one will notice.
And then get yourself there.
Car, bus, train any of those.

When you get there they are all different. The children will get a children’s play worker, and you will generally have a lot of meetings to move things forward with finances, benefits, schools, housing. sorting things out bit by bit.

hope this helps as I say it may have change da bit but basically that’s how it was with us
all best

ftc
x

[Trapped.]

Hi. Thank you so much for your reply.

I have spike to them on the phone, and they want me to go down there but it’s so hard.

I have no money and he monitors my every move.

I’m glad to hear there’s lots of support. It’s all new and overwhelming 🙁

I need out asap but don’t feel emotionally strong for my babies

[freedomtochoose]

You may have to adjust to not feeling strong. as others have said in this situation you are stronger than you think. I did a lot of it on automatic pilot somehow. Try not to think too much. Just do.
As far as the money is concerned, I had none either but you just need to get there. You will have very little at first, but you will have your kids and be able to sleep at night.
all best
ftc
x

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