Viewing 28 reply threads
  • Author
    Posts
    • #7574
      Sparkle1
      Participant

      He has finally left the house for good after threatening suicide yesterday to make it final ! I have woken up this morning feeling free from him I’ve spent so long questioning myself about his emotional abuse justifying it because ge is not aggressive like most I’m reading about but it’s finally clicked on my head that making it difficult for me to see my friends and family not having anyone round to visit, questioning and accusing me all the time and making me feel anxious and on eggshells going about day to day life is abuse ! We never had a social life together just sat in the house he always wanted the blinds closed and even on weekends with the kids would only go places that were more isolated as he didn’t like crowds he always said I would never find someone that loves me like he does but I’ve realised it’s an obsessive love that isn’t healthy, he would constantly tell me I’m beautiful he loves me more than anything cuddle me and tell me he would protect me until the day he died but the truth of it is that was only on the good days, on the bad days which were more than the good he would give me silent treatment so he didn’t have to tell me directly I couldn’t do things he would punish me with silence and moods for days on end ! It’s early days but I’m determined this time to never go back to that life ! This forum is what I needed to realise I’m not alone x

    • #7579
      Falling Skys
      Participant

      Hi S1

      So pleased he’s out and you and family safe.

      It’s going to be a bit of a rollercoaster but it will be worth it.

      Keep posting and get help if you need it xx

    • #7594
      Sparkle1
      Participant

      Thank you I’ve been signed off work so I can give myself time to settle my family x

    • #7604
      Confused123
      Participant

      Hi HUn

      Pleased his left, hope u ok, post if u need any support

    • #7634
      Winterblues2
      Participant

      Fantastic, we are all here if you need us x

    • #7759
      marblesgone
      Participant

      Well done Hon, hope you find the peace now that you deserve.xx

    • #7763
      Doglover99
      Participant

      Well done you. Take the time to readjust to your new, calmer, happier life. xx

    • #7802
      Sparkle1
      Participant

      He got his sister to see me today saying he wants me to go to marraige counselling with him and that he knows he is messed up and it’s made me doubt myself if I should give him another chance or am I just kidding myself I feel so confused because he’s not aggressive he uses silence to make me suffer and then when I do what he wants he’s over loving I need advice I hate feeling so up and down x

    • #7809
      Falling Skys
      Participant

      Abuse is abuse how ever its served up to us. You and your children deserve so much more.

      Stay strong and don’t doubt yourself xx

    • #7811
      Confused123
      Participant

      Hey Hun forget marriage counselling , if a guy can’t respect u and treat u right don’t bother . He knows his got issues good then he can go and get help and u get help did yourself and get strong and stay away . I was chatting to another lady about a new guy I had met and how he ignores me whist texting me in between , my friend straight away said his shows u no respect yet his looking for a partner , his going to Be a abuser she said if I can remember right don’t ask why is he behaving like that ask yourself why would I want to be with someone who treats me like that and who clearly is leaving u feeling upset , go no contact with all of them , ex families I find r just as bad to support the ex to reel u In, u have nothing to feel bad about , post on here whenever u need advice

    • #7815
      Sparkle1
      Participant

      Thank you ladies that’s really helped me get focused again, I hate doubting myself I have lost my confidence so much from being with him and living on eggshells for so long now I’m out of it I need to stay out x

    • #7820
      Confused123
      Participant

      We all doubt ourselves I. Beginning Hun , it’s the way they brain wash us. But u in right place anytime u need to talk, need guidance or advise pair on
      Here,we have been through that stage and know how important positive support is

    • #7898
      Confused123
      Participant

      Hope u staying strong Hun

    • #7913
      Savingmyself
      Participant

      Hiya
      It’s a good idea to right down all the abuse and then the positives
      You will see how unbalanced it is
      also when they abuse us it shows they do not care about us
      Well done stay strong have some space and you will see it clearer
      Big hugs xx

    • #7926
      Sparkle1
      Participant

      Yes I’ve stayed strong I did the list and had only 4 positives and around 30 negatives ! I’m feeling focused tonight thank you ladies for the support x*x

    • #7974
      Sparkle1
      Participant

      Well I packed up everything that was left here of his and dropped it round to his sisters as I was leaving she said “he’s accepted it he’s at that point where he is ready to cut you off now so if there is any part of you that wants him back and to go to marriage counselling then you need to act soon because I would’nt want you to see him change his ways and give another girl the good life that you deserved” it felt like a kick in the teeth I came away feeling hurt and angry and doubting my decision all the “what ifs” creeped back in I don’t want to feel like this I don’t believe that he can change or even if he could it would never be enough to have a normal life! Feeling frustrated 🙁

    • #7979
      Savingmyself
      Participant

      Hey Sparkle

      Don’t worry what was said its not true
      they can not change their character it’s who they are
      They are not different for some one else they hid it longer
      My ex abuser is with a new women he is not physically abusing her as she has lots of family around
      I had no family around and also I am challenging and stand up to him
      She Is passive with him . he has been unfaithful to her right from the start and he takes money from her and uses her
      I seen her the other day and she looks so tired and older than when she started the relationship with him
      Same but different abuse
      They are no prize for anyone

    • #7982
      Sparkle1
      Participant

      Thank you for your reply I just spoke to my local key worker this morning and they have said the same it never changes I need to push on and try and shut him out of my thoughts we live in a small area so I know it’s going to be hard hearing things but I just need to remember how unhappy and isolated I was x

    • #7983
      Savingmyself
      Participant

      Yes time now to fill your house with family and laughter
      Make a list of all he never wanted to do and go do them
      Time to fall in love with your self
      Find your happiness and be able to be your real you
      Not walking on eggshells anymore
      Big hugs xx

    • #7990
      Confused123
      Participant

      Good on u hun, so proud of u, dont listen to waht they say,there aim is to p*** u off and bring your mood down,u stood up to them and they cant handle that, yeah u can see what a brill life he gave u, its them that needs u but cleverly they r making him sound like the one that can offer u more. u had lucky escape, keep walking and dont turn back,someone better will come along and even if he doesnt, no one deserves to be abused , good times will come

    • #7997
      Sparkle1
      Participant

      Thanks for the support I’m starting counselling next week I’m not falling for it this time x

    • #8009
      Daisy
      Participant

      Well done sparkle for not getting sucked in by the mere words of “he’s realised and ready to change” or “the get in fast or regret it speech” from biased family.
      You know how it was and that it won’t change just like that- and how much more you will regret it if you give in, and it carries on,mit’s soul destroying as you know.
      Stand firm and continue to enjoy more of the peaceful, happy, stable atmosphere at home,
      X x x

    • #8021
      SilkyHalide
      Participant

      hi sparkle1
      Glad you’ve banished the doubts. Me too.

    • #8466
      newlife2015
      Participant

      Well done – hope you are enjoying your freedom and calmness in your house now he has gone -I now appreciate the most basic of things – like lying in bed for ten minutes when I wake up in peace (when I haven’t got th kids with me that is!). My ex used all the lets go to marriage counselling etc after I moved out and was all sweetness and light – it doesn’t last when you don’t give in to them – please don’t be fooled. Good luck with everything x

    • #8546
      Sparkle1
      Participant

      Thanks for the support I had a call from his sister yesterday saying he has got himself a flat and because I’ve blocked his number she’s passing on what he wants to say! He asked if I would consider dating him again and staying over at his new flat because he loves me and knows now where he has gone wrong! I couldn’t believe it I just said how can he think we could go back to dating after the way he has treated me and made me feel ill like I was loosing my mind ! we got married because he said that was the security he needed and that made him worse so then I got pregnant with twins and that made him more controlling I then miscarried so then had that constantly thrown in my face so why would I go back to dating ! I don’t understand how he can be so blind to the damage he has caused to suggest starting from scratch and dating again !? xx

    • #8548
      Daisy
      Participant

      Time to block the sister’s number too sparkle, I feel
      X x x

    • #8551
      Savingmyself
      Participant

      Gosh you have been through a lot sparkle he is is a piece of work
      Just rest and relax and take it easy
      They can’t feel empathy and that will never change
      Stay strong big hugs x*x

    • #8577
      mixed-up mum
      Participant

      Hi Sparkle – how you doing today?

      Good for you on getting this far – well done on being so strong.

      Don’t trust him, don’t take him back, he won’t change, they never do……

      I have a reasonably civil relationship with my ex. We can chat when I drop our son off, and he asks me if I want a coffee, but I just don’t feel comfortable or relaxed enough to do that – it doesn’t ‘feel right’ anymore. I’m a different person now – things can never be the same between us.
      He has not as asked me for months now if I would come back, so I think he’s finally accepted that there is no going back now. I know I could never trust him again – time after time before I left him he would promise not to do it again, he’d promise to change, and he never did.

      Now that I’m out and I’m free I could never ever go back to living that way again – I value my freedom now – and I won’t ever let myself be treated that way again.

      You need to value yourself, and remember, you are worth so much more, you deserve to be treated right, with love and respect…..don’t go back to living that life…..stay strong…..YOU CAN DO THIS!!!!! 🙂 🙂 🙂

    • #8667
      Sparkle1
      Participant

      Thanks for your support I’m still going strong i have my weak moments but I’m
      not giving in I cannot go back to living like a prisoner and hoping for it to change. I have started the freedom programme which I think will help me accept exactly what he is, I went out for the first time with my friends last night I was so anxious at first but ended up enjoying myself I’ve really missed my friends and family around me so I’m looking forward to getting my life back now 🙂 xx

Viewing 28 reply threads
  • You must be logged in to reply to this topic.

© 2015 Women's Aid Federation of England – Women’s Aid is a company limited by guarantee registered in England No: 3171880.

Women’s Aid is a registered charity in England No. 1054154

Terms & conditionsPrivacy & cookie policySite mapProtect yourself onlineMedia │ Jobs

EXIT SITE

Log in with your credentials

or    

Forgot your details?

Create Account