- This topic has 8 replies, 7 voices, and was last updated 7 years, 6 months ago by
.
-
Posts
-
-
Seen GP, instructed solicitor to start divorce proceedings. .. all getting a bit real. Just need to hang on in there a little longer. If he touches me I feel repulsed, he continues to say such vile things then be totally “normal” leaving me feeling like a cow for wanting out ….but the love has gone and with all the nasty words he has uttered it isn’t coming back
I feel bad that I’m giving our kids a different future from the one they expect and hope that it will be for the better ….Full of stability and kindness.I need to remain businesslike about it but boy is it hard. Any words to give me strength would be much appreciated.
I know it will be brighter on the other side but I’m worried that I’ve only unleashed half the beast and that it might turn a whole lot worse when I go … last thing I want is him turning up at the school gates or something.
Thanks, in advance, for your supportxx
-
Hi abcxyz,
Keep posting and reading the posts as you are doing, at this difficult time of leaving your abusive relationship. I know that you feel bad that you have to implement a plan B (of living a life free from abuse) as opposed to plan A, which is continuing to live with abuse. But it wasn’t your fault. When you got into a relationship with him and had children with him you didn’t know he had a problem. You didn’t know that he had a hidden agenda where he had to have all Power and Control in a relationship. He kept that side of him hidden. We were all deceived and tricked. We all had the best of intentions for us and for our kids. If he had been nasty all the time and let the real him show we definitely wouldn’t have stayed. But the non-abusive periods confused us. We by nature are kind, forgiving and could not have known that our abusers actually have a different make-up to us. They don’t think like we do and we don’t think like they do. We thought they were normal. How could we have know they had a sick personality.
Your children sound still young as you prepare to leave the abusive relationship. I left my abusive relationship when my older children were entering their teens. They suffered a lot from seeing me abused and living themselves with an abuser dad who had to be in control all the time. Honestly plan B although not what you had planned for your children will be far healthily than plan A. I heard the saying and it helped me ‘Its sad, but healthy.’
He will try and hoover you back into the abusive relationship. He won’t want to let you go as you are his primary source (of fuel for him getting his power/control fix). He will be mad that you are escaping. He will pull out all the tactics to stop you from being in an abusive cycle with you. But if you stay firm (by that I mean No Contact) eventually and this could be a long time, he may leave you alone and try source a new primary victim. He may use aggression, he may use charm, he may use third parties (children/family/friends) to get you back. Go No Contact so he can’t reel you back in.
Deal with it one day at a time. Post one day at a time if you need strength. Ring Women’s Aid as much as you need. Also try and get a copy of HG Tudor’s book No Contact.
We are all here with you as you make your escape into freedom. You are not alone.
-
-
Hey HUn
THink lady above has said exactly what i was going to say, leave now while kids are young, i left when my kids were teenagers, its extra pain for u and for the kidss for what they witness, yes we do get hard days, butnothing compared to what we go through with them, u will think clearer once u have left him , stay strong and go through with this, post as much as u need to on here
-
-
Dear abc
You and I are in practically the exact situation although I am not filing for divorce – a separation for me, felt like the best option then as the dust settles I can make it permanent.
I read the freedom programme book which was good and have just ordered freedoms flowers by pat craven. It gives advice and help with regards to dealing with our children following DV. It might be worth a read? I haven’t got mine in the post yet but will look at anything for those definitive words that reassure me my kids will be ok . Good luck – let’s get through it together !! Xx -
Just wanted to send my support. It’s not easy ,but neither is staying, you can do it , you and your children deserve to be happy’ good luck 🙂
-
-
Sending you strong vibes!!! I am at the stage now where I am just about to action my leaving plan which is going to be a hard road ahead but what’s the other option, staying and living with verbal abuse day in day out. So I know how you are feeling!! Well done for being so strong so far you can do this! I also worry about unleashing the beast but the one thing that keeps me going is that beast was unleashed a long time ago. Take care of yourself xx
-
- You must be logged in to reply to this topic.
