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So I’ve only been left (detail removed by moderator) but I have been struggling with doubt, if I have done the right thing and am I the one that was the bad person in this. I’ve been really low on days and then happy on others when I havent heard from him, I reported to the police the last incident the day I left too. But I wondered if anyone knew the best way to maybe speak to someone about it? Maybe if there were groups or councillors that can talk to about it, it may help get past this. The crippling and debilitating doubt and self hatred for letting myself get ran into nothing. Whats the best way if anyone can help please?
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Hi Fairylady,
Great work on getting out, you’re so strong. The doubt and confusion is totally normal (and very unpleasant) and is a side-effect of the abuse you have suffered. A long time of being blamed and minimising what’s happening so you can get through the day means it’s become a natural pathway and your brain will slip back onto it.
I’ve been able to access counselling and a support group through my local womens aid and would definitely recommend it. Your GP should be able to help you to find local services too. Try keeping a journal, I found in the early days having a list of the horrible things he’d done really helped so I could read it when I started doubting myself.
Reading the posts here will help validate your experience too and keep posting, there’s lots of support here for you. You need and deserve support right now so try to reach out. Telling one friend made all the difference to me.
You’re a hero. The abuse was done to you. It is your abusers shame to carry for what he did to you. Dont carry his shame for him.
It gets better x*x
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Thankyou, I will enquire at the local women’s aid and my gp and see what I can do. Thqnkyou for the support, its really hard and I just hope im strong enough to stay gone. After messages saying that I’m playing the victim and that he does nothing wrong. Then says I’m lucky the last indicent didn’t go further because he’s not sorry and its my fault. It makes you question everything. I hate that he has so much power over me and I dont feel i can control it.
I will go to the womens aid and GP and see what avenues I can take and good idea on the journal, I try keeping a list to remind me of everything too
Thankyou
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It is really hard. But also the most worthwhile thing you will ever do. If you can block his messages please do, or at least put your phone on aeroplane mode so can choose when you’re feeling up to dealing with him. He’ll swing between minimizing and denying, then blaming and gaslighting you and possibly love bombing if the others dont work.
Your silence is your power. Take it back. Ignore him and dont engage. Easier said than done but he gave up any right to your time and attention when he chose to abuse you. You didn’t deserve the abuse and he most certainly doesn’t deserve your attention.
Good luck reaching out, you’re doing great, it’s normal to have wobbles x*x
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