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    • #14734
      betterdays
      Participant

      Where it’s becoming to painful to look back as it’s making me realise what he did,who he really were. The expressions on his face that smirky face when he had been nasty to one of the boys agressively knowing what he were doing HE would then look across to me and say what’s up with you now? Knowing exactly what he had done. The evilness and accepting how everything were planned starting to hate him. I hope my silence is killing him. How will he be feeling because I’ve totally cut of from him. X

    • #14735
      Hopesprings
      Participant

      For me it hurt like hell when I realised he didn’t love me and it was all abuse. It still does sometimes mainly because I kick myself for wasting all those years on him. But the important thing is I am safe and for the most part happy now.

      The silence kills them and it’s what they deserve. They will be ghosts to us, and we will be strong queens. We deserve it. 👑

      • #14737
        betterdays
        Participant

        Hi hope springs thanks for your reply. Yes that’s one of the things with me nearly (detail removed by moderator) decades wasted. I should of seen it. How he sleeps at night I don’t know. Me and the boys have been left wrecks. But main thing is we can heal he never will…..x

    • #14748
      Hopesprings
      Participant

      Yeah exactly you’ve got to look after you and your boys and be the amazing person you are xx

    • #14752
      betterdays
      Participant

      Hi healthy archive. I’m finding it hard too to come to terms with the fact things were all bad he seemed so genuine sometimes nearly (detail removed by moderator) decades I can’t believe it never will but I also know he’s not good for me and boys. X

    • #14779
      Serenity
      Participant

      This is indeed the most painful stage.

      But what you’ve got to remember is, for them to treat another human being as they have treated you, means that they have some very deep issues and problems. They are abusive.

      They didn’t ‘not love you’ because you or your children weren’t good enough, or because you are unloveable.

      Proof of this for me is when I look at my children, and feel a flood of affection and protectiveness towards my children, and others question what he has done and how he could have abandoned his children as he has, and then I realise that his actions betray the fact that he really feels nothing like protective and caring love for them. And my children certainly aren’t unloveable.

      Our abusers don’t know what love is; they are unable to love, either because they weren’t loved as children, or they have personality issues, or just aren’t nice people and get off on abusing, and equate love and kindness with weakness.

      They were ‘bankrupt’ when you met them: they never had what it takes to hold down a marriage or long-term relationship, or to raise a family. They are too selfish and impatient and have too many negative emotions swimming around inside them.

      They pretended to be normal- but there was too much within them that was ugly and dysfunctional.

      They won’t be lovely and kind and caring with their next partner- because that negative stuff will still be inside them, boiling beneath the surface and erupting at difficult moments.

    • #14755
      Escaped not free
      Participant

      I feel just the same as you. No contact over (detail removed by moderator) now. I know it wasn’t healthy I know he controlled me, I know I became depressed but for me he was and still is the love of my life. Everything he did since we got away confirmed how controlling he was but the emptiness I feel inside is just overwhelming. Can’t stop crying. I miss him so unbelievably, painfully, desperately. I know it’s wrong but I can’t turn it off. Surely it can’t all have just been manipulation? Surely he dealt SOMETHING for me? People tell me no, it’s just what he could get from me that he wanted but we had an incredible connection before this went bad. I feel like I should have handled him better. I feel it’s my fault. X

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