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    • #111752
      Weepingwillow
      Participant

      Over recent weeks he has seemed angry with the kids , – they’ve ruined his life
      , taken his freedom, are spoilt brats (my doing ), it was my dream not his ( despite years of ivf infertility and him telling me I’d taken away his right to have kids), they answer back ( even if they are being more reasonable than him) . He is now angry constantly, I have destroyed his life , made him ill, and am seeing other men (I am not and would never want another man after (detail removed by Moderator) plus years with him). He said he wants out but wants either half the value of the house. The last thing he said to me (detail removed by Moderator) because I forgot to (detail removed by Moderator) is ‘(detail removed by Moderator)”
      Just when I think nothing he can say can hurt me 😢

    • #111766
      Eggshells
      Participant

      Oh good grief Weepingwillow. This is horrible. I’m so sorry for you. What a tantrum he had!

      Please don’t let this hurt you. You know that non of what he said is true. He is so lucky that you were able to give him children. As you know yourself, they are such a precious gift. I’m so pleased that they are standing up to him.

      How do you feel about him saying he wants out?

    • #111768
      Turtledove
      Participant

      Hi Weepingwillow, he sounds like a lovely man!!! Your abuser will be desperate now to find ways or words that will hurt you, so do not pay attention to what he says. If he is not happy with his life, he knows where the door is. You don’t need him and sounds like your children don’t really need him either. My abuser used to say literally bottom of the barrel things to me too. It would leave me feeling disgusting and knock my confidence massively, so I understand how you feel, but once you start realising and waking up abit you see the problem is with them and not you. Xx

    • #111778
      Weepingwillow
      Participant

      Thank you both. To be honest if he just left I would be relieved . I’ve turned a blind eye to his Facebook flirting hoping he would just discard me. I know that sounds awful but the last few years he has been awful emotionally . I don’t think I realised how evil he could be until my dad took his own life and he uses that against me 😢
      He was acting as if nothing happened today. He asked why i was in a bad mood and i said I can’t believe you could say what You did and he just shrugged and said you should’ve have checked the (detail removed by Moderator)
      I’m just tired of it all xx

    • #111782
      Eggshells
      Participant

      It doesn’t sound bad at all that you wished he would just leave. A lot of us can relate to that feeling.

      It is so cruel that he taunts you about your father. I know you’ve spoken about this before and understandably, it seems very raw for you. You are not being allowed to grieve in the way that you should and that is horrendous. Big hugs. xx💕

    • #111787
      Weepingwillow
      Participant

      Thank you Eggshells 💕
      I am still seeing a therapist and that angers him too but she has helped me immensely . My dad was a gentle giant , one of the kindest people I have ever known. After moms death he just struggled. I always had dad round for Sunday dinner but husband was making it more and more difficult. On the day I found dad I had a big row with husband as he said he didn’t need to keep coming saying he just uses me for food and sits being waited on . That’s what I wanted dad to do , have a decent meal and bit of company. So that day I messaged dad to say I would take him for a meal instead and he never replied so I went round and found him.
      Anyway sorry to go on about that , I know this isn’t a bereavement group it’s just that it’s changed me as I do feel guilty that I let husband control me and didn’t see dad as much as I wanted and can’t believe he uses this to hurt me 😢

    • #111807
      Eggshells
      Participant

      That is a lot for you to deal with. Trying not to feel guilty is easier said than done and it must have been horrendous for you to find him. I’m sure your counsellor is helping you deal with your feelings. Unfortunately, sometimes these things can’t be prevented no matter how much you do to try and prevent it.

      It’s horrendous for you to go through this without having it thrown in your face with the intent of hurting you. My heart just breaks for you. xx

    • #111881
      PaleBlueStar
      Participant

      When they realise you are thinking about leaving and waking up to the fact that a life without them is possible, they turn the heat up. Gas lighting is a tool they will use daily. They will identify an area of weakness or something that makes you feel small.

      Mine says I caused trouble by having cancer. By my sister dying. It’s all c**p. But it does destroy your confidence.

      Don’t let it!!

      I’ve hardly told anyone IRL. I dread that and being told I’m lucky and selfish.

      Xxxxxxxxx

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