Gifts from my ex

[bigfishlittlefish]

I have recently managed to extricate myself from a very long abusive relationship. We are in the process of getting divorced and are due to exchange financial information soon. He is suggesting that rather than give me any money as child support, he continue to pay bills for the family home (which he doesn’t live in). This is ridiculous and not really the point of my post, but a general idea of what type of person he is.
My question is this- is it ok for him to give me presents (detail removed by moderator) on significant dates like birthdays? I don’t want them, but he gave it to a child to give me while I was on a work call. Why would he do this?

 

 

[Nixie]

Some thoughts based on a similar experience:
– I am thinking the giving of gifts creates the external appearance of a ‘normal’ relationship that has broken down. It says “ I am a very civil and reasonable person” Or it may mean he doesn’t yet believe the boundaries of separation have any integrity and that the old dynamic can be pursued still. Also he’s forcing gifts upon you which may still give him the feeling of control. My ex did this though on another occasion he told me he owned me .

[Eggshells]

Hi BFLF. Maybe contact him and make your boundaries very clear – no more gifts thank you.

[bigfishlittlefish]

Thanks both. I did tell him straight away that it was unacceptable and inappropriate. The problem is that its just another thing. There is always another thing. Always another email, another text another thing he needs to get out of the shed. I feel like he will never ever leave me alone. Ever.

[Eggshells]

He won’t if it’s left up to him. The only way he’ll stop is if you tell him “no more” then block him. Just keep a burner phone for him to contact you about child arrangements. Only check it when you know there should be something there about when he’ll collect the children etc. Better still, get a family member to discuss child arrangements with him. Everything else goes through the solicitor. I quickly discovered it was the only way to put a stop to it.

[Author]

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