- This topic has 9 replies, 9 voices, and was last updated 4 years, 4 months ago by solivagant.
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12th August 2020 at 8:02 pm #111982PinkturtleParticipant
What’s this about, it’s happened more than once.
He sees something, shows me it and asks if I want one / you should get one of those, I say no I don’t like it.
A few weeks / months later he buys it for me, then I’m ungrateful when I point out I said I didn’t want one or that I said I didn’t like it. And he twists it to I’d like it if someone else bought it for me
I don’t understand this behaviour
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12th August 2020 at 8:14 pm #111983EggshellsParticipant
Could it be that he is buying gifts that he wants or that he wants you to have? Or that he is trying to influence you – force you to be in sync with him by making you like the same thing he likes? He likes it, therefore you should.
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12th August 2020 at 10:35 pm #111993PinkturtleParticipant
No, it’s strange definitely nothing he would like.
I’m trying to think of an example without telling you an exact item.
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12th August 2020 at 10:47 pm #111997LottieblueParticipant
It’s just control, isn’t it? What I buy you isn’t determined by you but by me?
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13th August 2020 at 8:36 am #112005BettertimesaheadParticipant
My husband would buy me clothes but they were definitely his taste not mine. They were often cheap and revealing. I asked him not to but he still kept doing it. We are currently separated and in a v messy situation but one of the first things I did was bag up and bin all the clothes I didnt like.
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13th August 2020 at 3:18 pm #112018FudgecakeParticipant
Hey Pinkturtle,
They do this to pi*s you off and generally f**k with your mind. Mine use to buy me lovely things, not necessarily expensive but to my taste, in the love bombing stage. But then the gifts became things you’d buy for an old lady and finally they became charity shop items or even things he got out of his mother’s cupboard and wrapped up. Don’t I sound ungrateful?.. but that’s part of the game…You couldn’t complain as you’d be ungrateful, selfish etc. Nevermind, the fact that my gifts to him were always to his taste and expensive enough to show I cared. (Isn’t that the point?) I don’t mind cheaper gifts as long as they aren’t for someone 30 years older or obviously grabbed out of the kitchen cupboard with bits missing.
Rant over, sorry I’m going through a shi**ty time atm.
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13th August 2020 at 7:52 pm #112043AnonymousInactive
Arrrgh! I got the same gift year in year out.
Even when I’d said I didn’t need more and even when I took all of them to a charity shop…more!
If I didn’t like things I was a loads of names etc etc!
I swear they all go to sad weird abuser night school to learn their craft…either that or we are all with the same bloke 🤣 -
16th August 2020 at 10:13 am #112226Rising TideParticipant
Yes, mine started doing that. It’s so he can show how nice he is, but I’m an ungrateful nag who doesn’t really appreciate his thoughtful gesture.
If I question it, he tells me how good his intentions are, while totally ignoring the fact that what he gave me is actually broken and I’d have to spend more time and money getting it fixed that he spent acquiring it in the first place.
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19th August 2020 at 6:12 am #112433AbbeyRoadParticipant
Mine does it with food. I bought you this…I can’t eat that I’m on a diet, you know I’m on a diet. I then have weak moments and eat the thing he bought and then he uses that as a moment to go at me, saying I’m fat, disgusting and I’m ugly, don’t I realise what I am doing to myself and all under the pretence that he’s supporting me in my attempt to be on a diet. I say you shouldn’t have bought that for me then, oh I didn’t realise… it’s a power thing and a controlling thing. Like others have said its a way to manipulate you and also to give you something and then have the ability to take away your power because of it. It wont stop whilst your in the relationship so what you must realise is how nice a person you are for constantly accepting these gifts, you care (however mad it seems) about his feelings. This means you are so much better, you are not the person he makes you out to be, you care about others feelings and you put them above your own. This is a wonderful quality and one he’s manipulating but it’s still a wonderful quality, always remember you would love the gifts if they were given with love.
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24th August 2020 at 11:59 pm #112716solivagantParticipant
my ex did this. I’m pretty sure he only did it so that he looks good. And makes me out to be the bad guy. He’s still trying to make me out to be the bad guy now!!!
Do you find he is always the victim in any of his stories?? My ex is always the victim and is still playing that game!
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