Give me some strength Please!!

[Freetobethegreatest]

Feeling really upset today. Sat in the bath in tears. Im ill and got an eye infection probably all bought on by stress and lack of sleep. I felt so rough last night i told him im going to bed (detail removed by Moderator) latest tonight of course bad idea because then at (detail removed by Moderator) he decides to start causing an arguement. I guess i should have predicted this!! I asked him pls dont start im exhausted and went upstairs of course he followed me i asked him so many times to leave me alone did he listen? No so i ran into the boys room i know he cant shout at me when im in there as theyre asleep he didnt shout but stole my phone off me for a reaction. Didnt bother me he can have my phone tried to go to sleep on their bedroom floor eventually went in my room (we sleep in different rooms thank god) but couldnt sleep when i woke up had eye infection and ill. Had a text from him saying how sorry he was how he didnt want a fight etc could have fooled me!!

He kept trying to ring me but i had blocked his number. All he does is cause arguements and says sorry. Its a non stop cycle. Im sick of it. Of course when he just got back he wasnt really sorry he started having a go at me i locked myself in the bathroom but he just unlocks it. Cant ever escape him. Going to bed as soon As i get out the bath im so tired and ill will i actually get to go to sleep? Of course not he will just keep coming in shouting abuse at me.

All i ever do is try and avoid him, try to avoid arguements, try not to play into his game. Its so hard to stay calm when all u wAnna do is scream how much u hate him.

Im desperate for him to leave let me and the kids be in peace.

I hate him and i need so much strength today

[KIP.]

Oh gosh. This reminds me so much of my past. I eventually put a lock on my bedroom door to keep him out. It got so bad. Sleep deprivation keeps you exhausted and unable to think clearly or fight back. I too used to go into my sons room because I knew he wouldn’t kick off there. We use our kids as human shields. Total utter dysfunction and it’s going to get worse unless you get out. It got to the point where my sons presence didn’t make that much difference. The red mist came down and he just didn’t care. Mine used to open the bathroom door too. I used to go for a bath for peace and quiet and he would get a screw driver to open the door and carry on. I can’t believe I ever lived like that. There is help out there. Start with the helpline x

[EeyoreNoMore]

Hey hun, sorry he’s making you feel so awful. He knows how exhausted you are and he’s staying on top of it to make sure you stay unable to think straight, unable to fight back (metaphorically).

Have you called the helpline? Have you read the Pat Craven or Lundy Bancroft books? The strength is inside you hun and getting support will help ease the burden a little. I always felt that knowledge is power too.

As KIP said, the only way to make things stop is to get out.

[Confused123]

hey hun

try call helpline and see if you can get support to make a escape plan which involves moving out , refguee or renting or even house share. build your support network and get out

I can totally relate to what kip says, my ex never cared if kids were in room so i used to avoid kids room so they could sleep even though his rage woke them up, go to have a bath they unlock the door with a screw driver, at times they just kick the door down, just no escape from them

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