Give me strength

[tiredofitall]

I’m sitting here having just had another 30 minutes being talked at about how I’m the reason that he hasn’t been the parent that he should have been, that I’ve done this and I’ve done that and that’s why he behaves the way he does and so essentially its my fault that he behaved that way so how dare I be the one to decide I dont want to be with him anymore. Rather than accept any responsibility for his poor parenting he now says that I have alienated our son to hate him. Nothing to do with all the years that he shouted at him, made him feel not enough, emotionally manipulated him. He can’t see any of that. Only that I have reframed their entire experience to hate him. and the truth is that I have done the opposite of that. I’ve tried more than is fair and good for them to try to understand him. I hate that he has the power to have me sitting here in floods of tears because he just won’t ever stop criticizing me. The house is sold and I need to find somewhere else to live now and the sooner the better but living herein these circumstances is just too much sometimes. I’m so tired of having to be strong. what did I ever do to deserve this? I’m a good person. I know it and it feels so unfair sometimes. I’m sorry I’m feeling sorry for myself. Its just too much sometimes.

[nbumblebee]

It is too much isnt it?
There are days when you just want to stop sit cry scream shout then numbness. You wonder why you, what on earth you did wrong to deserve such pain it really isnt fair.
But look at where you once were and where you are now.
My god it hurts hearts i can hear that in your words but you are near the end.
Back to my wall.
My wall is built up so high nobody can get in im scared i keep it high but there are small holes my job my college small holes giving me hope.
Your wall has just one side left.
You have smashed through it you have succeeded in getting it down and now you have just one small part left. Dont allow him to start re building that wall, keep him away well away and just you focas on smashing that m**********r down because you are close and you are gonna do it.
I am struggling Im not sure I will ever find a way but its women like you, your stories your strength that pick me up.
Take today and cry its ok to do that but then pick up that hammer and keep smashing sweetie show him he wont win you are strong you are amazing and you deserve peace and happiness. Sending hugs x*x

[Bananaboat]

Try to remember he’s projecting, he knows he’s the bad parent, and he’s twisting the truth to make himself the victim. He’s lashing out because you’re winning, you’re moving on and don’t need him. I know it’s tough, this weird limbo stage is all the bad with few of the good parts of an abuser but the end is coming and you can start to heal. You absolutely don’t deserve it, they pick good people, strong ppl, empaths – everything they’re not. x*x

[tiredofitall]

Thank you both for your words of support. I have a really supportive family but I’ve spent so long hiding all of this from friends and family because i didnt want them to judge him or me for staying with him that its hard to open up. But now I’ve started opening up and I’m reminded what it feels like to have someone care for you because for so long I’ve just been holding myself together. Its quite upsetting to realise how alone you can be in a relationship. I wish that I would find a way to stop him getting in my head. I know you are right that he says and does all these things because he knows that I care and he can get to me that way. The ladies who share their stories on this forum have given me more strength than i thought I was capable of because you all KNOW what its like. For the first time, I realised it wasn’t me, it was him and that was soemthing that i could not change. what a lightbbulb moment. so the question becomes, do I want to live like this forever because the situation is not changing, his behavior towards me and the children is not changing. So I’m going to have to dig deep and push on through and if he makes me cry every day for the next few months I know that there will be a day in the future when he won’t be able to do that. And thats a future that I want. I know I’ll be back on here again because he won’t stop and I thank you all for taking the time to comfort me. everyone on here is amazing – whether you are leaving or staying. All paths are incredibly hard and only we know what the reality of that is like. x

[nbumblebee]

You have done amazing to have got to where you are already keep taking those steps foward keep chipping away at those bricks and you will reach your goal im certain of that. Xxxx

[searchingforhope]

@tiredofitall even what you have said there in your second post shows such strength. You are nearly there, keep going, I’m wishing I was as near the end as you are. x*x

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