given in, again

[confusedandtrapped]

it seems like every time lately that he does something that upsets me or treats me badly, I stick up for myself and tell him how I feel and what he is doing wrong and that I can not put up with it anymore and that I no longer want to be with him. he says his sorry and I say its not okay.. but then a little while later he will just be nice and laugh and joke with me and then says he loves me and he just pretends like the argument never even happened?
so I find myself still stuck in the same situation just because he never accepts it?

(detail removed by moderator) he was really rude when we went (removed by moderator) to visit my father as other family members were visiting who I had not seen for some time, because my attension was on them and not him he got really upset and moody about it saying I’m ignoring him and (removed by moderator), baring in mind we had only been there not even an hour at this point. (removed by moderator).
I stuck up for myself and said that I am with him all the time, I talk to him all day so it is perfectly okay for me to have my attension towards my family for a little while and that he can engage in conversation with them too but he just chooses not to.
he then came back (removed by moderator)
I said I know what he said I am not silly and he cant keep treating me like this and its over.
when we got home he acted like we never even had an argument. he offered to make me a cup of tea and watch my favourite programme, already putting it on. then he started talking normally and I found myself laughing along with him.
so now its as though everything is okay, and I can not just go back to being mad as it will make me look like the crazy one.

this happens every time and I’m angry at myself because I don’t even notice it happening til its to late.

does this happen to any one else or am I just really gullible?

[Jupiter]

Hi confusedandtrapped

Please know that it is certainly not you at all-you have done nothing wrong but what you have posted here is abusive behaviour playing mind games and making your emotions spin such as questioning your own reactions.This is a common tactic used by abusers and judging by what you write has continued for some time.You have already told him what you think and need but he has not taken you seriously by making a joke out of an abusive situation.As many women have said before on this site men like this dont change–this is a big part of their unpleasant personality so protect yourself and get some support to help you make important decisions about your life. The nice/nasty behaviour is a warning sign about who he really is deep inside.
Yes this happens to a lot of women and is psychological abuse.You are not to blame -the culprit is him.
Take care
Jupiter x

[KIP.]

Google ‘cycle of abuse in domestic violence’ or speak to the helpline on here. That’s why I’ve found no contact is essential to break free X

[Anonymous]

I do exactly the same you are not alone. It is hard to stay mad when they are being all charming and nice. Cos then you think that you are over reacting. If you carry it on then you are the bad guy. Fairly sure a lot of us have been in this position x

[Dragonfly]

I too have experienced similar. He’d be really rude (quietly) in public, even people he knows have noticed though or he’d want to leave when we’re in company or he’d go over and sit quietly on his own because he doesn’t want to intrude on my conversation with someone else!! Although that would only make other people notice him which made me feel like the woman with the odd boyfriend. In other situations when he’s been really quite horrible to me, I would confront him and he “can’t remember, what you going on about, I didn’t say/do that”. Then he’d be all “normal”, his usual funny/daft self. I’d then be the one to apologise, give him a hug and then get sucked in to his “niceness”!!

I did actually think I was over reacting or going slightly mad but in hindsight I know I should trust my gut. You don’t just imagine things. Things happen which are unacceptable and you should be able to be heard, listened to and understood, your opinion respected.

[Author]

Posts