Giving up

[Rainbowdream]

So exhausted with everything. Between all the different professional involvement, speaking to lots of different people. Pretty much everyone closed the case apart from my idva. I know I could have him arrested and be given the time to leave…
But what’s the point. He’s been great with our son since talking to him. Fine with me.
Part of me feels absolutely crazy. Part of me worries it’s just for show to get all of this to blow over and he’ll be straight back to it in a month or 2. But I’m also at a point where its like noone felt the need for interventions, can’t be that bad, most likely in my head because I already have mental health issues and to be fair I’d be a useless mum by myself . I just give up with all of it, may keep speaking to my idva for a bit, bit I just feel like it’s all s waste of time

[Twisted Sister]

Hi Rainbowdream

I am sorry to hear you are doubting yourself. Remember all the incidents that got you to this point of speaking to others about your experiences, and acknowledge that you still have an IDVA, and not for nothing.

Ask your IDVA about your situation, and the reactions of services around the abuse. Talk to her and ask her about your doubts. She has been through this with you and will understand you doubting yourself and be able to support and help you with this.

I know its very difficult to hold onto whats happened, especially when we feel others might not be understanding how its been, we do understand here, so keeping writing and working through whats been happening to you.

warmest wishes

ts

[Rainbowdream]

Thanks for your response. I spoke briefly either my idva and have decided I need to prioritise my mental health right now.
Since speaking to my partner his behaviour has been much better towards me and our kid so at the moment things are in a stable position where I can ask for help.
I find it hard to talk on here as its very limited what you can actually say. Understand why it’s necessary but I find it hard to use this platform for support and I’ve basically been told by the womans aid chat that i need to go to my idva and can’t keep using the chat service.

[nbumblebee]

Hey sweetie I hear you my goodness I have days where i just wanna stop and give up.
Its just too hard isnt it? Fighting drains us and well im sick of it.
Whats the alternative though?
You go back he starts hurting you again and that panic that fear that hatred all begins again.
Thats not the way, as much as we want to give up we cant we have to keep fighting we have to keep believeing in ourselves in those around us.
I think you know theres a possibility that he will go back to his hurtful ways you dont need me to tell you that right? But we all need a rest. Lean on your support worker they will help thats what they are there for but you have to talk you have to ask them for support as hard as it is. Can you see your GP get some extra support there? You really dont have to be alone in this but sadly it is up to you to ask for help. Keep posting on here yes its limited butvwe all understand and can often guess whats behind the moderators deleated words so dont be out off we all get it we really do. Xxxxxxxx

[Rainbowdream]

Thankyou.
I guess while things are calm I will try to regroup and recover mentally.
If things kick off again then I will need my strength to leave. He’s been given every opportunity now. So yeah I guess that’s it

[nbumblebee]

Yes definatly thats what i do when hes in a nice mood sometimes it can last days or weeks i use that time to calm myself work out my next move sort my own head out, breathe, and just be whilst preparing myself as i know he will blow again he always does.
Use this calm time for you sweetie whilst keeping one eye open. Stay safe x*x

[Rainbowdream]

I will certainly try thankyou.
I’ve asked the midwives to refer me to the mental health team. They offered at my booking in but I said i didn’t need it then.
Hopefully I can get some help and build up again.
I hope things are in a period of calm for you now too.

[Twisted Sister]

sad to hear that the chat team have told you not to use them again. I do hope your IDVA will help you and midwives put you in touch with necessary support.

warmest wishes

ts

[Twisted Sister]

and, of course, you have here and all of us. x

[nbumblebee]

One thing we must never do even in tbe darkest days is give up fighting.
When we fight we have hope and some days that hope is all we have that keeps us standing so never lose that. Stay safe xxxxx

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