22nd May 2016 at 12:38 am #17730Bridget Jones Is FreeParticipant
I have been towing with this idea for some time now. I am thinking of going back for a second course of Freedom Program to help me get out of this situation at home, to make that leap of faith. Maybe I will meet some of the ladies I met before and maybe there will be other women in a similar situation as mine. We will see, but I am seriously contemplating going back.
Tonight I saw him sat on the sofa looking really nasty. The kids had all gone away from the living room, some gone to sleep and some doing their own thing in their room, he was left alone and looked terrible, like as if he was sulking and mulling over…He has used one of our kids to get to me by doing something really childish and he used our son to relay a very silly commandeering order. It’s like being told off by him but via one of our children who acted like his messenger. It was utterly childish and the one thing I worry the most is what impression this is making on the ”relaying child”…What is the ultimate lesson he is learning from that?
I can’t sleep because of tonight again. I will fall asleep eventually but it makes me so angry, so worried, so mad. How do you manage to behave like he does as a parent?
I took a quick look at his eyes tonight and I could honestly read so much pent up anger, the sulking eyes and the nastiness hidden in his eyes…God knows what he is thinking! And he drank on an empty stomach and that makes me worried.
I so wish I had had a totally different life, I so wish I had not wasted decades of my life.
I fear for what my children will be in the future. I fear for them because of what they have learned from the stupid life we have lived and the behaviour they have witnessed and absorbed as part of their personalities.
22nd May 2016 at 5:55 am #17734SerenityParticipant
Yes, why not do another course? Many ladies have done it a few times. I thought of it myself at one time. I am sure you will learn new and different things, and it might be your anchor in this storm.
Regarding the children, I tell myself that I need to fake strength if I don’t feel it- because the kids need me to appear strong. I need to be strong so that the kids won’t see him as stronger and turn to him and his warped way of thinking. Faking it until you make it, they call it. Xx
22nd May 2016 at 6:50 am #17735Falling SkysParticipant
Great idea about freedom, because it my work I can only go when I have a day off, so I dip in and out of them. I have done some more than once and it’s better because I find my self on the first time omg that’s me and on the second one I can pick more up. You need the strength to make decisions.
22nd May 2016 at 11:38 am #17747Confused123Participant
I would recommed that to u bridget, loads of ladies do it twice or even more, ive actually started my freedom course recently and there is a lady on who is on it for second time too, it really does make u stronger
22nd May 2016 at 12:54 pm #17751betterdaysParticipant
Hi bjif I’m actually on my 3rd freedom programme as I don’t feel ready to let go of it yet I don’t feel strong enough. You most certainly will benefit from going again I enjoy meeting up with the other ladies too we all support each other we all have a new weekly story to tell. It’s been a massive positive in my life if I hadn’t of gone back and really educated myself on it sadly I would probably be still with him. X
22nd May 2016 at 3:21 pm #17766KazaParticipant
I did exactly the same thing. I went on the Freedom programme years ago after a nasty physical and mentally abusive relationship for (removed by moderator) years, and felt so much better. Couldnt believe it when I went back into a mentally abusive relationship (removed by moderator) years ago. Just managed to get rid of him with police etc and moved house and am now going back on the Freedom Programme and Pattern Changing and its the best thing I ever did. It helps me with the no contact rule which I am struggling with. Feel sad and lonely today, but tiny steps.
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