Going crazy

[nbumblebee]

Im sorry i know i shouldnt post again but I just wanted to talk. My husband can be mean says nasty things and is very controlling. So all this realisation is new and i am still struggling with the word abuse.
So many stories I could tell you as Im sure everyone here has but today my head is a mess.
Last night we went out with friends mutual friends i dont have any of my own, anyway first he moaned where we were going i had arranged it slecial as a suprise once he got over that he spent the evening putting me down taking the mic Im used to that its ok. We then went to bed and he said well you made me look like a right liar tonight thanks. Puzzeld i asked why and he said we will talk in the morning. I thought all night long what i could have said but nothing. Today he woke up happy said nothing bad and we have had a nice day I have not said anything as i dont want to rock the boat. Now im doubting myself did he even say that last night? We are off out again tonight with his other friends and i am dreading it. Honestly all this is making me anxious I am no longer me all of a sudden I have lost myself and all I now think about is how he makes me feel what he does what he says after (detail removed by moderator) all of a sudden this life isnt nice. Am I going crazy?

[Camel]

You can post as often as you like and must never apologise for how you feel.

What you’re feeling is a kind of crazy. Your husband has messed with your head for years and years. Google gaslighting, signs of abuse and crazy-making. How you feel is not your fault. He’s doing this to you.

[gettingtired]

Hello, I understand why it’s confusing. For me, it’s been (detail removed by moderator) years less than you but only over the past year have I really began to understand abuse and it’s gotten worse with my understanding as he’s sensed the change in me.
Have you read Why does he do that? by Lundy Bancroft? I’d really recommend it if you haven’t xx

[Sungirl]

I completely get this. Had an awful week with my husband, then he ignored me for (detail removed by moderator) days, even though I had done nothing wrong. Then all of a sudden(detail removed by moderator) he asked me if I wanted tea and told me he’d booked for us to go out for a meal. I just can’t get my head around it. (Detail removed by moderator) I had had enough and told him I wanted to separate. He stormed out of the house for a few hours and since then has said nothing about it. Now (detail removed by moderator) he’s being all over friendly and nice, being attentive, asking me lots of questions, as if I can’t see through this sudden ‘niceness’. It’s part of the abuse, look up the cycle of abuse. Also feel like I’m going crazy

[nbumblebee]

Thank you everyone for your reply. I just dont know where to go from here. How do you get up each morning and face the day? How do you enjoy the good days and not feel guilt. How do you cope with the bad days and not blame or take it out on yourself? I cant see myself happy no matter what I do Im wrong and i always will be. This is just too tough. Xx

[Secretlife]

No, you are not going crazy, and you are not doing anything wrong. For many years now I have felt unable to be my true self when I’m with my husband because if I say or do something he doesn’t like he will becomes nasty and unpleasant. He’s also a great one for giving me the silence treatment, sometimes for weeks. So many happy occasions have been ruined by his behaviour and I got to the point where I realised that my happiness was totally dependent on his moods. That was until I discovered this forum! Although to learn it was abuse was a huge shock, it was also a relief to learn I am not crazy. I have learnt so much about his behaviour and I have read Why Does He Do That by Lundy Bancroft (which you can download for free), this book is an education in itself, it will help you understand the situation and what he is doing to you. Keep reading and learning from all the advice you can on this forum, the ladies on here are so supportive. Sending you a big comforting hug xx

[nbumblebee]

@secretlife Thank you and Im so sorry you are going through this too. Is it wrong to not want to read up? I dont want to know thats so bad isnt jt? In all honesty a part of me just wants to forget what I know and go back to pretending as this is too hard isnt it? Because now we know now we are aware what next????

[Camel]

You don’t have to do anything at all, not if you don’t want to.

[nbumblebee]

@camel, Again Thank you I needed to hear that.

[Rosemary]

Hello nubmblebee

You are not crazy at all I really feel for you because I’ve been in an abusive aggressive controling relationship for years .
My partner likes to make out it’s my fault the way his feeling I cant say my own thoughts and opinions because he says they are wrong . When men are abusive they like to take control over us makes us think that we are the problem when we are not . Please dont doubt your self hun because there nothing wrong with you. With my partner I now his Patton of him geting abusive then being nice being nice to make out he really care but he dont because he carrys on being abusive and aggressive. When I first went out with my partner I never new that he was abusive I just thought he had some anger issues which he does have but when I seen my GP then talking to counsellors and joining this form it’s made me realise that my partner is abusive. It’s never okay for him to
Be abusive I dont really call that loveing me as he says he does because if he loved me he would not be abusive and aggressive he would not control either . My partner will try and make me happy when his not abusive but I dont feel happy at all because I cant take all the times his been abusive to me I just feel this little bit of happiness he trys to show me it’s just all for show that’s how he makes me feel .

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