Going forward

[Shazza]

Hi All,

I hope everyone is doing ok today. I had a terrible (detail removed by moderator) mental health wise after leaving and am slowly trying to put myself back together.
Its been (detail removed by moderator) now since i left. There have beem alot of emotions during this time.
He has continued to try and control and manipulate me. Unfortunately i cannot block him as he has our daughter during the day (detail removed by moderator) a week. I will not allow him to have her overnight due to his alcoholism and abusiveness towards me. However he is constantly hounding me yhis week demanding to know when she will stay over. She doesnt actualy want to be away from me either but he is not considering her wishes only his own. He has continued to tell me im an awful.persom for removing her from the family home and has shouted down the phone at me (detail removed by moderator). He is constantly texting me asking about money. We both had equal amounts in our account when i left and he was aware of this. He has text me about (detail removed by moderator) within the last (detail removed by moderator). Ive told him several times (detail removed by moderator) but he just keeps on texting and texting to the point where i want to give in just so that he will leave me alone. Then he started saying (detail removed by moderator) blamed me for this. Im sure he has continued to spend it all on alcohol. But he makes me feel so guilty still and like it is my fault somehow, so that i feel i am meant to abail him out.
I said that we need to sort child maintenance and he has refused saying (detail removed by moderator). He is pressuring me to sign it over to him and is trying to tell me (detail removed by moderator). Im so so so fed up with the constant messages and calls that part of me wants to give in to him.
He also keeps saying he isnt seeing our daughter enough. However (detail removed by moderator) now he hasnt turned up on days he can see her and hasnt been answering the phone when she calls to say goodnight.
How is he still so much in my head! I still feel the pull and feel like its inevitible that i will end up going back just so that he leaves me alone. Though i know that wouldnt be the case as everything that was happening whilst i lived there would all start again.
He is still trying to convince me that he hasnt done anything wrong and he makes me doubt myself so much i start to believe its me.
I dont know who to talk to and feel so alone at the moment. I think ive driven my friends to distraction with my constant need for help and so dont feel i can reach out anymore. But i desparately need theis support really so feel quite at logger heads with myself. I dont want to drive them away with my constant dramas.
I also feel such sadness that i have had to leave my home. It sounds silly really as i know its more important that i am safe.
I am trying to stay strong for my girl. Im seeing my therapist which is really helpful.

Any encouraging words or advice would be massively appreciated right now.

[Lisa]

Hi Shazza,

I am sorry to hear about your situation. It’s clear that you are trying to protect your daughter and keep her safe. Your ex-partner continues to be controlling, abusive and harasses you, it’s not ok for him to treat you like this. His money situation is not your responsibility at all, he is very manipulative, you don’t have to sign anything you are not comfortable with.

If you haven’t already, it may be time to get some legal advice. Rights of Women offer free, confidential legal advice on matters including family law, domestic abuse, children and child contact issues -www.rightsofwomen.org.uk

The Coram Children’s Legal Centre offer legal advice and representation to children, their carers and professionals throughout the UK- http://childlawadvice.org.uk/

If you feel like you are in need of some additional support, you could chat to a Women’s Aid worker in confidence via our Live Chat service (open every day) You can chat about your situation in more detail and explore your options – https://chat.womensaid.org.uk/

Take care and please keep posting to let us know how you are,

Lisa

[Shazza]

Thank you Lisa. I have had a good look at the rights for women website, and will continue to try and speak to them.

[STAR1]

As you have a daughter he is using her as a manipulating tool. Is there anyone in the family that could help bridge the gap where your daughter can be collected and returned at a certain time as he cant come and go as he pleases and mess with your head. Sending hugs and strength.
Xx

[Shazza]

Thank you for your reply STAR1. I have tried to aboid using a go between as i didnt want to make it feel too unsettling for my daughter. However it might have to be something i consider. I get that horrible sinking feeling everytime i will have to see him and everytime my phone goes off.

[Author]

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