Going on a date

[Pinkvelvet]

Hi all,

Just looking for some words of wisdom really. I’m about to go on my first date since leaving my ex, it’s been a good while now and even though I’m not really sure I’m 100% ready, I’ve kind of decided to give myself a little push and just see. Dipping a toe in the water kind of thing. Because I feel like I’m just going to put it off forever otherwise, out of fear, until it becomes a mountain to climb instead of the current hill I feel I’m at.

But I keep getting quite emotional about it and I’m just a bit worried incase I get a bit overwhelmed on the date and panic. I was feeling good for a while after therapy, but recently I’ve been having a fair few downs and sadness, but this opportunity just kind of came up and I felt like maybe it would be a good idea to try and see another side of life if that makes sense? Instead of feeling like I’ll never meet anyone else as lovely as my ex with the connection we had (when he wasn’t being abusive). I feel like I need to make new memories with new people, give myself a little encouragement and hope.

Has anyone else felt like this? Has anyone else been on a first date after getting out of an abusive relationship and if so, do you have any advice/ tips? All my friends are getting engaged and coupled up at the moment so, it would be nice to eventually find someone too. And I know I have to start somewhere, sometime.

Thanks in advance! X

[Watersprite]

Yes I cried in a charity shop buying something to wear before my first date! The poor woman at the till !! So I guess it’s normal. Its going well though but I’m keeping an open mind. But hey you get to decide the pace what you want what you like if you don’t want it you can end it. Honestly it’s so refreshing not to be in an abusive relationship. I would say massive look out for red flags trust your gut and only date when you are ready. Don’t feel pressure from others if you need to fill a gap to distract from your sadness you run the risk of another abusive relationship. Healing takes time. If you are ready – ho for it have fun 😊

[SnoopySocks]

I found my first couple of dates a bit tough. One time I panicked and ran away from the guy (who was lovely, if bemused!)

I’m glad I tried though and it did get easier. Go at your pace, there’s no problem with organising dates you know you can manage (coffee in a public place) and building up to one’s that feel more difficult. Try and pinpoint what you’re nervous about and plan a date that has less of that thing. For me it was very much about intimacy so I had to learn to take things slowly (even if I liked the new guy).

Let us know how it goes! It’s a really big step and you should be proud for trying it

[Pinkvelvet]

Thank you both 💕 will take what you’ve said on board and just try and relax about it! I do usually get a bit nervous anyway before going on a date but it’s just the fear of the unknown I think! Just thought I’d push myself a bit and ease my worries (hopefully) about dating again.
And I’ll try not to run away from him 😂 cannot guarantee it but I’ll try haha! X

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