- This topic has 4 replies, 3 voices, and was last updated 6 years, 11 months ago by Anonymous.
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2nd April 2017 at 10:11 am #40181Winterblues2Participant
I’ve been out for a while now but one thing that keeps going round in my head is regarding sex.
We didn’t engage in any form of affection let alone sexual activity for years at a time. I was told I was too fat to have sex with, which resulted in an eating disorder.
Anyway, the one time we did have sex was completely under his control, he instigated everything and it was all about him. I didn’t say no as I was desperate for any sign of ‘love’ or sexual attention by that point.
My thoughts are focused on whether that was entirely consensual or whether there was an element of coercion involved?
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2nd April 2017 at 10:21 am #40184KIP.Participant
Hey there. I think only you can truly answer that. The police in a rape case would ask him how he knew consent was given. What would he say?
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2nd April 2017 at 11:07 am #40189Winterblues2Participant
I know I showed all the signs of consent, and that he would likely be justified in believing I fully consented. I think because I was well aware at the time that it was an abusive relationship but couldn’t see a way out and like many of us hoped that it was a positive sign that things would magically improve and evelive into a happy healthy relationship I was willing to participate. However, in hindsight I see it as akin to a starved dog being offered a morsel of food, when you are that deprived of live and affection or in the dogs case, food, you will readily accept anything that is offered regardless of what your actions or houghts would be in circumstances where the deprivation hadn’t taken place, if that makes sense?
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2nd April 2017 at 11:11 am #40190KIP.Participant
It makes perfect sense. That’s how abuse works. The abuser gradually withdraws affection and we actually feel grateful for any morsel of affection they throw our way. All part of the coercive control. Despicable men.
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9th May 2017 at 10:47 am #42252AnonymousInactive
You should feel loved, wanted and needed too, not even have to question yourself if you are desirable or not. If he has made you feel you are not worthy of love, affection & sex and you’re questioning if it was rape, if he really felt you were not deserved of a loving sexual act, then what he did was wrong, I think it screams out he just used for his own satisfaction without caring about your feelings at all. You are worth so much more than that xx
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