Going round in circles

[PurpleTriangle]

I have been searching locally for a free one to one counselling service and every site I have accessed is showing their waiting lists are full and closed and I feel like I’m going around in circles. I do think I have ptsd, and even though I left my ex a few years ago, I am now struggling with flashbacks, self doubt, frustration and sometimes outbursts of aggression at the people that I care for. My GP was useless they just told me to self refer myself to an NHS site that I’ve now found doesn’t have anyone to deal with the fallout from domestic abuse. I have no idea where to go from here now.

[KIP.]

I had the same problem. It’s dreadful that it’s still happening. I went to my MP and raised the issue and found a local charity that isn’t domestic abuse but still deals with PTSD and trauma. They’ve now applied for funding to expand and take on new counsellors with this training. They have been excellent in getting me through the trauma stage. She’s not trained in domestic abuse but she’s excellent and I know enough about domestic abuse to explain and fell confident she understands. In an ideal world I’d be with a specialist but like you there isnt one at the moment and as I was in a state of crisis they couldn’t turn me away. I also paid privately before this and had to travel further afield. I’d also go back to your GP and tell them this. Try a different GP in the practice.

[fizzylem]

You could try a private therapist; all of the good therapists offer what is called a sliding scale, means they have a full price but also understand the climatic situation as it is, that it’s hard to find quality therapy at a reasonable price, so they save a few sessions a week for those on a lower income; most charge around 50 an hour but for these sessions they can be as low at 5-15-20. The therapist doesn’t want you to have to struggle to pay, would much rather you give what you can afford so this doesn’t impact on the session negatively – leave you dropping out over money. These therapist are full, because they are worth their weight in gold, take the view what they earn in total is more like a monthly salary – those therapists that try to squeeze each and every person are often not as good as they claim, have spaces, thus need every penny – so this is a great way of finding the right therapist for you, might take you a bit longer but they are out there. Don’t let the fee put you off, call and ask if they have experience of working with domestic abuse and trauma and can offer a sliding scale, and if not, move on to the next.

Another option maybe to go twice a month to bring the cost down again.

This way you get to choose your therapist, research shows that those who choose their therapist will achieve greater outcomes in therapy; as opposed to being ‘allocated’ someone.

If you do this, dont feel you need to see the first one that says yes either, see a few before making your decision. BACP has some good advice on the questions and answers you will need for the initial consultation to help you get it right.

You might think I cant afford it now, but once you get started with the right therapist you will feel happy to hand over your money – feel it is money well spent – I’m glad I’m investing in me and feeling better x

[PurpleTriangle]

Thanks Fizzylem, I’ll definitely look into the sliding scale. I don’t work at present, but I have some savings that I could possibly allocate to this.

KIP, I’ve decided to change surgeries completely, hopefully the new one maybe better in handling and dealing with my issues.

[Hetty]

Waiting lists can be full but might still be worth a referral as services will offer priority appointments for those in desperate need of support. Perhaps try your local WA and see if they can signpost you somewhere. There are some excellent charitable organisations out there who might be able to tide you over while you wait for a specialised treatment. Don’t give up

[PurpleTriangle]

A friend of mine advised me to check out the website mind.org.uk and read their self-help pages, that friend has agreed to help me through this by talking to them about my past, until I can get professional counselling. I’ve started a journal about how I feel each day and mentioning flashbacks when I have them, so I can remember them. I’ve also purchased a book called ‘You can thrive after n**********c abuse’ by Melanie Tonia Evans, I’ve been advised this is a good book to read. I am on an email list from one of the charities I tried, when a space becomes available, obviously this wont be for a while, so I don’t want to be sat around stressing and making myself worse. I feel more positive right now.

[Clueless]

I have been seeing a private therapist for nearly 2 years, the first year was giving me the confidence to finally leave and the past year helping me through the trauma. To begin with I was referred through my work who were wonderful and allocated and paid for me to have 12 sessions, I was so worried I wasn’t going to afford the next sessions so my therapist put me onto the low cost sessions and I was going weekly up till recently it’s now every over. I don’t have a huge amount of money but the money i have spent/ spend on the therapy I have never thought once I can’t afford this because it’s helping me, I do not begrudge paying her at all. Even when money’s that little bit tighter I always find it. I was at a point of actually finishing, my therapist thought i was ready and I agreed so I was kinda weaning off her but I’ve had huge setbacks and although I’m probably not but feels like I’m back at square one again! But I will continue to have my sessions and get me to a place I should be. I think what I’m trying to say is don’t begrudge yourself on money for a therapist because it’s money very well spent and when you start to feel and reap those benefits for your recovery I don’t think you will even notice.
Best of luck finding someone who can help and support you. I am so grateful for finding mine. She’s worth her wait in gold. Take Care xx

[KIP.]

Melanie Tonia Evans also has a great website. Check out Sarahspeaks.
‘The body keeps the score’.
‘Mind Over Mood’
Living with the Dominator.
All good books.
Understanding trauma for me was the key to recovery. Why we react to situations. How the amygdala over reacts until it has time to calm down.
Writing down three positive things each day. Practicing mindfulness also helped me ground myself. Lots of self care until the therapy is available. I also spent money on private sessions. No discount for me and I had to borrow money for that but money well spent.

[PurpleTriangle]

Thanks KIP, I will look into those books as well. I really just need to understand why all this happened to me. I read somewhere that n*********s like strong smart people to manipulate and I always thought I was an easy target cos I was struggling with my mum’s death. But I sat down and thought about what I was like before I met my ex and I have remembered apart from grieving I was a strong person, so I wrote the key points down in my journal and now I have something to aspire to. I know I will never truly go back to being that person 100%, but I can try and get some of my previous qualities back.

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