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Please help me to understand what is going on in my life. I’ve known for quite some time that my partner is abusive (and I have a lovely new hole in my bathroom door which enforces this feeling) however lately I’m not sure whether it’s me being weak or whether I am actually a big part of the problem? Don’t get me wrong, there is and will never be any excuse for his angry outbursts and the names he calls me, etc. but he says he feels lonely and unwanted and thinks I don’t want to go near him. Now, I don’t, but that’s because he makes me a nervous wreck and when he’s nasty the last thing I want to do is give him a kiss and a cuddle but he says he’s angry because I’m like this. I’m cold-hearted and don’t show him love. As I’m writing this I realise it sounds a little silly as he is acting like a child but, I then imagine how I’d feel if the tables were turned? If my significant other never wanted to touch me?
I know there is a lot wrong with how is he with me but I do have to ask myself if I am contributing to his low mood and outbursts? -
Hiya,
Its all very confusing. keep posting on here and reading the posts. With time you will gain clarity. My ex used to say if you didn’t do a,b,c,d I wouldn’t have to get mad. I too believed him and thought it was my fault that he behaved as he did. My daughter also felt her dad wouldn’t have to get so mad at her if she wasn’t the way she was. When someone yells at you, tries to intimidate/put you in fear by punching holes in walls, well how can they expect us to want to be intimate with them. The normal reaction to someone who yells at you, frightens you, punches holes in walls, calls you names is to want to distance yourself from that person. That is a normal self-preserving reaction to being treated badly. Well if he feels lonely and unwanted then he needs to stop shouting, calling names, punching walls etc. He is not having these outbursts because he has lost control he is full aware that his behaviour is upsetting you and frightening you yet he continues because it makes him feel the more powerful one in the relationship and having Power is all he cares about.
Keep posting and reading on here. The knowledge gained will make you see more clearly.
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