Got out – but not completely

[smallhouseblues]

I received a lot of help and support from you all back in spring and haven’t really reciprocated. Sorry, it makes me a bit anxious to log in here but I will give some of that help back once I’m truly out. So here’s the situation:

I packed up two bags and left (detail removed by moderator). Which was a wise move, because my ex has had some serious psychotic episodes since – sending me (detail removed by moderator) e-mails in one go, calling me at 3am to tell me he was going to murder our cats, etc.

But there is the problem of our flat. He stayed behind, and the lease is in my name. All of my things are still there, so are the cats. The ideal option would be for him to leave, then for me to come and pack my things, clean the house and hand it over to the landlord. He disagrees, and just says that he doesn’t know what he wants to do. On the one hand, it means I can’t access my stuff, including my documents. On the other, he’s trying to get me into a situation where I can’t pay the rent. I feel really bad for the landlady, because we had a good relationship, and now I’ve got this random psychotic person in their house.

Would the police remove him, if it came to that? (I imagine that they wouldn’t, because he had been living there). Is there any kind of mediation service that could help me have the right kind of dialogue with the landlady about this? I also can’t go there while he is there, because given the wrong mood, I think he could potentially kill me. There’s no one I can take along as I had only moved to that city recently. My lease is ending in a few months.

Any ideas/advice would be helpful. I’m abroad but will have to travel down to resolve things at some point. Money is an issue as well, since me and my ex had a business together, which he is now driving into the ground just to get back at me.

(the good news is, I’m out, and on days when he gets too much, I just switch the phone off :))

[fizzylem]

Is the tenancy soley in your name? Or joint? Maybe look into occupation orders? He won’t have a leg to stand on if you are the sole person on the tenancy.

Have you reported him to the police?

Do you have access to the business accounts? I hear you can freeze it or claim for half of what it’s worth now instead of half of nothing after he’s destroyed it; think you need a solictor for this though.

I’m sure others will have some good advice; maybe call the helpline to start gathering the info you need?

Perhaps call the nearby cat rescue and get them to take in your cats for now if you dont have a friend that could do this? I’m sure they would be willing to help if you explain he’s threatened to kill them, they could keep them safe for you until you’re ready to pick them up x

[smallhouseblues]

Hi fizzylem, thanks – lots of good ideas there, I hadn’t heard of occupation orders before. Will look into it. The tenancy is solely in my name.

I have not reported him to the police. Maybe it sounds silly, but I don’t really want to go full warfare unless I find no way to talk to him. He’s occasionally lucid and then he’s keen to put some measures in place for my protection, resolve things peacefully, etc. Of course, if I can’t find a solution, I’ll have to draw a line somewhere. It’s kind of complicated because the abuse is likely the result of a medical condition. He has a private doctor who said he’s borderline (detail removed by moderator).

I have my sister who is willing to pick up the cats and then I could get them from there, but he doesn’t agree to it. (detail removed by moderator). I think he just uses the cats for leverage, so I’m not engaging with him on that. I’m less bothered about our shared business, because it was more about the work we did together and the income it brought in monthly, than any accumulated wealth.

So it’s mostly about getting him out of the house and ending that tenancy in a way that is consistent with my responsibilities as a tenant.

[KIP.]

He has no right to be there and you need to be honest with the land lady. She could change the locks or have the police remove him safely. He may trash the place leaving you responsible. Take the police with you to get your belongings. I wouldn’t ask your sister to go alone when you think he may kill you. Take the police.

[Author]

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