GP appointment what to expect

[Ruby2shoes]

Hi I’ve got a GP apt next week following advice from woman’s aid I’m to tell them I’m living with emotional, psychological abuse and coercive control.
I’m hoping this will be on my record should further down the line we split it may be useful. I’m also hoping for some support in terms of managing my anxiety and emotional well being and possibly counselling. I’ve asked for a lady GP in the hope she may be more understanding. But I’m struggling with actually coming out and saying this and putting it on an official record. I’ve lived with it for (detail removed by moderator).Can anyone share their experiences of this with me I appreciate each doctor is different but on what to expect. What I dont want is any red flag that they’d notify social services or anything like that because of my daughter. Would they do This? He’s not physical towards me currently and this is something I’m doing off my own back my husband and daughter currently have no clue how I feel I’m trying to portray “normality” while I research and take action in the background.

[maddog]

I have only just started talking about the sexual side of things with my husband after a similarly long time. If you have started going through what the relationship has been like with Women’s Aid, that is really good. Remember that what is being done at you is not your fault. You are reporting the results. You are talking about what is happening to you.
I have been prescribed all sorts of drugs to cope with the added pressure and anxiety of realising the scale and misery of my life with my husband. It started as a trickle. WA are helping me with counselling to make sense of all of this. Your gp will do whatever they can to help.

[Dragonfly]

I seem to have been at my GP every other month for the last year. Each time I call I feel like the receptionist thinks hypochondriac! The opposite is in fact true. I never see the same doctor, most are brilliant, a couple are less understanding and I feel they don’t take me seriously. However the only bad thing that’s come of me going to the GP is being refused life insurance when trying to take out a life policy because I have PTSD.

You tell your doctor exactly what you want to. The only reason they would take it any further is if they thought there was a real concern foe yourself or your family’s safety. In my experience speaking to your GP and getting it on record is a good thing. They will no doubt help you with ways of coping too. For me it was further validation that what I was experiencing was real.

You shouldn’t feel afraid to go.

[Ruby2shoes]

Thank you both that’s reassuring. I had such a lovely lady gp for many years that knew our family well but she sadly died and since then we see anyone. I’ve deliberately waited to see a female gp but I just feel apprehensive about getting it out there “officially” as it were. I’m really hopefully she’ll be helpful I’m glad you’re both getting the support you need. Madog may I ask how woman’s aid have helped with counselling how did you access this? did you get referred by them if so how?

[maddog]

I really don’t know how the system works. I went first to WA when my daughter attacked me in the supermarket. The police got involved at a point and I was told to make a statement and given an IDVA. This was all months ago. Now I am working with a WA outreach worker who will be representing me at MARAC meetings.

It is difficult at first trying to articulate what has been going on. My gp has given me different drugs to hopefully stop my heart and my head imploding, and tripled my anti gloom pills. It would be amazing if I were able to feel anything at all!

[Ruby2shoes]

Thank you Maddog what a difficult time you’ve had. I’m still waiting for my outreach appointment so maybe I’m jumping the gun a little and things will become more evident once I’ve met with them. My next hurdle is trying to find excuses to go to the doctors or outreach or counselling appointments if I’m offered them. I work and when I’m not at work I’m home and he’ll wonder where I am. If I say I’ve got to work on he’ll expect me to be paid overtime so that means I can’t use that excuse, same if I got time off work during the day to go to appointments my work would expect me to make the time up or take it unpaid. If it was unpaid he’d want to know why my salary was down and If I stayed late at work making time up he’d want to know why I wasn’t being paid for it. I’m no good at lying. Argh!!

[Goldengirl]

Hi, Ruby. Does he go to doctor’s appointments with you? If not, then start complaining now of a sore throat. Then you can tell him you have an appointment because your throat isn’t getting better. I went to the doctor before leaving. They had a designated domestic abuse doctor who phoned me for permission to give my details to others – family services included. As I was leaving him that week I agreed so I could get help for me and my family to get out. Hopefully, you have a good doctor who will listen to what you need too. As far as I am aware, they can’t do anything without your permission unless you tell them he is abusive to your daughter too. As for what to say, you will find, once you start, you won’t be able to stop. Start with something like, “I don’t know what to do anymore. My husband can be really horrible sometimes. He shouts at me …..” and continue with your personal experiences. You will be surprised by how much you say. Good luck!

[Ruby2shoes]

Thank you golden girl. He doesn’t come to gp with me he inks I’m going for a repeat contraceptive not that there’s much of that going on these days. I do have a couple of minor health complaints that I can use as future excuses. Thanks for the advice that’s great to know and helpful as an opener to get talking, unfortunately my lovely gp who knew me and my husband well and the birth of our daughter etc died and she was amazing but I dont know this gp very well. I’ve booked a double appointment so I’m not rushed out after 5 mins!

[Ruby2shoes]

So I saw gp (detail removed by Moderator) and poured my heart out. She was very sympathetic and just really listened and asked a few questions. She hasn’t given me any meds for anxiety or lack of sleep etc but then I didn’t ask for any either. She has given me a number to call for counselling on the NHS. I will ring them next week. However I have two further concerns. One when I told a friend about it she advised it was the same place she had been to for when she was suffering for low mood and that it was more of a training coursenshe went on. I don’t want that If that’s the case I feel I need proper 1-1 counselling with someone who understands emotional abuse and coercive control. Secondly if I am able to get counselling I will need excuses up my sleeve as he won’t understand why I’m having counselling. If I say I’m working then he’ll expect me to being paid overtime so I can’t use that as an excuse. Any ideas around this as I would assume it would be a regular on going thing.

[maddog]

Keep going back to your gp. If you feel afraid, report it to the police. You don’t have to make a statement, but you can report. Your gp probably has limited access to counselling. Have you been in contact with your local WA for more specialist help?
Well done you for making the first steps.

[Ruby2shoes]

Hi I don’t feel afraid of him not in a physical sense although he can sometimes be intimidating. We’ve been married a long time and he just has no idea I feel the way i do. He is emotionally abusive more than anything and I don’t want to report to the police as I’m not even sure I want to leave him yet but I know things have to change. I can’t live like this anymore. I need counselling to come to terms with what’s been happening to me over the years and how I’m going to face the future either with or without him but either way I can’t go on as I am.
Woman’s aid told me to go to my gp. They’ve also put me in touch with an outreach worker but this is through (detail removed by Moderator) not woman’s aid. I’ve got an appointment later in the month with them but why’ve already told me they don’t offer counselling. So feel I’m going round in circles at bit.

[fizzylem]

From my experience I would suggest yes, get it on your medical record; you can claim legal aid further down the line if you need to and you will need GP evidence to do this. I have found it useful to try and meet with the same GP also, I chose the one I found most sympathetic who appears to get me and it and stuck with her.

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