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Hi,
As we have children together, I have to have contact with my ex. I’ve been following the gray rock method as I don’t want to encourage his n********m.
Upon recently confronting him about a situation that arose when our children were visiting him, he denied it happening and proceeded to cover his tracks in order to continue doing the thing I had asked him not to do. I feel he did this to get a reaction from me. Because of this I have decided to ‘pick my battles’. I don’t intend to contact him unless absolutely necessary.
However, our children always come home and tell me all about their visits with their dad. They have told me things, such as their dad encouraging one of them to drink water from the bathroom tap before bed (knowing that our child has a problem with bedwetting!) or encouraging our children to share a bed with his partner, that I feel I can’t ignore.
These are issues I can’t ignore but I worry that if I keep contacting him about such things (he always denies them happening and basically accuses our children of lying), I may appear to be harassing him.
Should I let these things go and only raise concerns when our children’s physical and emotional safety is at risk or continue as I am?
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yes, sounds like he’s looking for a reaction. He’s doing these things to the children on purpose knowing they will probably tell you and then he knows the pattern, you will engage with him. This is what he wants, for you to continue to engage with him so he can still abuse you although you are not living together. He is using the children to get to you.
The Gray Rock method is a Godsend and will definitely protect you from him. I found reading HG Tudor’s posts on ‘knowing the N********t’ excellent for making me more knowledgeable in dealing with my abuser (ex husband).
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Hi Strube, I have a similar issue. My children tell me concerning things for example that they have seen his partner naked, lack of appropriate supervision etc. I don’t address these things with my ex because I know that’s what he wants but it’s hard to decide when to pass these concerns to professionals. I ring the NSPCC helpline when I’m really worried and uncertain. I arrange for the children to have opportunities to disclose concerns while at school so it takes it away from me because my ex wants it all to look like malicious allegations if they come from me. I recently let too much contact happen with serious affects on my well-being. I must not let that happen again xx
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