Greed

[Peaceful Pig]

I have been having a difficult time again. I’m feeling very tired, sad, limping towards the finish line divorce-wise (I hope).
I was subjected to a surprise encounter with my ex which I believe he planned, watching and following me. The timing is too accurate, it’s not coincidence. He always became very angry if I suggested he planned his abuse, so I still have a temptation to give him the benefit of the doubt, but my counsellor would tell me to trust my gut. I now feel very anxious about him stalking me again, but of course there’s always the plausible deniability, just under the radar.
Throughout the divorce process, everytime there has been something to concentrate on and decide he does something to frighten or abuse me or tge children. It’s all smoke and mirrors designed to distract and disorientate me into not thinking clearly.
I feel so saddened that all his behaviour which causes us such pain and suffering is all for the sake of some money. It’s not even that much money in the scheme of things. It makes me feel worthless and cheapened.
If you’re still agonising about why your ex did such terrible things, please don’t waste your precious time or energy searching for any meaningful reasons. There are none. It’s base, shallow, empty greed, nothing more.

[KIP.]

Hang in there, the finish line is in sight. Plausible Deniability is something I’ve thought about lately because it’s confusing. But I now think would I do that or would I be there. My ex comes to the bottom of my street. He has a silly excuse that I would never use. I would never go anywhere near where he lives. He was waiting outside court for (removed by moderator) for me. I couldn’t wait to get away from there as fast as possible. He followed me round the court building ‘looking for the cafe’. It’s bull. We think of it as plausible deniability but when you see the bigger picture it’s nonsense. We would never do that so why should they X

[Healthyarchive]

Plausibile Deniability, my ex mentioned those words to me once, he said it with a bit of a chuckle and glint in his eye. I think he was describing a time he had swindled someone. He was just a downright liar. Its so easy to see now, but at the time this just adds so much confusion to your already mixed up brain. Dear PP, do you think you can take out some of your fear of him, no matter what he does? Maybe view him in a different light, a pathetic imbecile or desperate so he acts out? I am sorry if I am not understanding your fear. I have had zero contact for months, he hasn’t contacted me either so i’m not hyper aware right now. I remember a time a few months back I had stalking concerns and I was so anxious. This week I have thought a bit about very upsetting incidents and how I respond. My session at the Freedom Programme on Monday made me feel sad and emotional. I was reminiscing and even thought for a brief moment about contacting him. But then by today I had completely forgotton that & was back to normal. Maybe you will feel better about this worry in a couple of days? X*X

[Serenity]

I so often see a correlation in our situations, PP.

You are right, they will fight tooth and nail by weaving all manner of complex plots and covert situations just to win – and very often it is about money, even small amounts.

I think it’s because they equate money with power and, as we know, they are power freaks. They are parsimonious and scrooge-like and don’t care if everyone else starves. As long as nobody takes from them, never mind that they have too much for one person.

I remember if I ate out with my ex ( in the early days, when he still felt physically able to put his hand in his pocket), he used to suggest sharing a starter. Then he’d gollup it up at such a speed, I’d often only have a morsel: he’d wolfed it down already. He’d order first, too. I remember him telling me his dad used to tell him as a child to ‘slow down, no one is going to eat your food.’

I think this was the way my ex went at life: to swallow as much as he could, and take from others.

You’re bound to have a setback after seeing him. What makes it worse is the fact they play innocent.

But: remember, we all know it’s not innocent. He’s trying to de-stabilise you, before the end of the divorce. Hold fast, keep strong.

Remember, you are stronger and more intelligent than him. You can see his games. You can see right through him.

It will take a few days for the anxiety to settle. Until then, take things easy and look after yourself well.

You’re right- they cause a lot of pain for no worthwhile reason. That’s because their life is vacuous and hollow. They need to exert power on others because they have no inner self- they are empty inside, voidof anything good and healthy. Their values are topsy turvy and though they try to be calculated and clever, really their whole life is an empty shambles. They have nothing to be proud about. They lack the simple joy that normal people have by giving to and caring about others.

It’s scary how many people there are like this walking around.

You are properly human- he isn’t. You’ve already won due to this very fact.

[Peaceful Pig]

Thanks all.
Kip, although I can see through his tactics very clearly, he is always careful to ensure that there would be a plausible cover story for any professionals I might choose to report him to, and that leaves me feeling a little helpless to do anything to stop him.
HA, trust me I do try to feel less fear and I do know he’s pathetic and I even believe I fear him less. I force myself to go about my business without changing my behaviour out of fear too much. It all works fine until I see him and then my reaction is so immediate and visceral. On this occasion it was a shock and I was going to be trapped in a small space with him so that contributed to it. I posted before I’m not sure how much of this is fear and how much revulsion. I hope this reaction will reduce in time. It was only recently in counselling that I really came to terms with his impact on me. Actually it backfired on him somewhat as a professional actually witnessed my reaction and was really shocked and concerned. They are now far more understanding and taking the situation a lot more seriously in order to protect me.
Serenity, I now have new financial information about him so I’m certain of the link and the plan to unsettle me. It won’t work. I will recover my strength and keep on fighting.
It helps my resolve so much to share with you all, thank you x*x

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