Grey Rock / Contact with Ex

[backtome]

Hi All,

So I’m making progress very slowly, I’ve finally stood up to him about staying at my house and crossing my boundaries. Now I want to move our communication forward such that we only converse if it’s about our daughter. He still talks to me like I’m his partner/best friend. He’s messaged me about something personal to him, I need to message him back as my daughter (detail removed by moderator)  that falls on his day to see her so I need to tell him and ask him to (detail removed by moderator)  or swap days. Do I acknowledge the thing he messaged me about but in a very blaze fashion? or just completely ignore it and send the message regarding our daughter? I just want to be civil but not feel trapped by him all the time x

[Janedoeissad]

I would ignore the personal thing and just text back about the daughter.

I have had to do this a couple of times to my Ex and he has got the hint now. We don’t have kids but are sorting the selling of the house. He’s now got to the point where he starts a sentence by telling me he knowns he shouldn’t mention something but tells me anyway. I still just ignore it. I ONLY response to stuff which is leading towards are final separation. Nothing more.

He has to email me too, no texting, he is blocked on my phone and will remain that way. At one point I had all his emails going to trash and I only checked that once a week, it stopped me answering straight away but now I’ve moved them back to my inbox as I am only getting one every few weeks now.

[backtome]

Well done on being so strong Janedoeissad. I did respond with just information about our daughter. He’s still not getting it though as he said we should (detail removed by moderator)  together (ugh what part of minimising contact between us does he not understand).

I’m hoping that eventually he will lose interest. What I’m REALLY hoping, which is completely selfish of me, is that he will meet someone else to focus on. Obviously in reality I wouldn’t wish him on anyone else. I try to only converse with him over messages apart from when he video calls our little girl as she is too young to be left with the phone on her own.

[Iwon]

These men will use anything to keep in our heads. They love using our guilt feelings to do the right thing by our kids. You need to block him as much as possible. Ignore anything that isn’t about child…. and even then ignore anything that is just silly about the child. He is losing control so will use anything. Don’t go anywhere with him. I keep my replies to one line. I ignore anything else. I ignore insults atte.pts to start fights etc etc. It’s (detail removed by moderator) years now. My ex met someone about (detail removed by moderator) years ago. She joined in his a use for a while. Smear campaigns. Verbal attackz8. I used to defend. Rain. Justify. I don’t do none of that anymore. No reaction. They go get bored in the end but if you are just at separating stage you will make life better now by cutting co tact x I wasted my time trying to put my son first and coparent for (detail removed by moderator) years. U can’t coparent with an abusers. Keep all communication to mi in UK. I think buff. Brief informative firm and friendly…. but without friendly

[backtome]

This is what im starting to realise – if he doesn’t get his way he just sulks – even if it’s his young daughter he is sulking with. He stormed off recently because she was refusing to get out of the car to go and see him.

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