23rd April 2016 at 2:48 pm #15067WanderingCloudParticipant
Having read a few books recently on the vicious gangs who have preyed in vulnerable girls, it suddenly occurred to me that from since meeting my husband and through all of our subsequent years together, I feel like he has groomed me.
I have been groomed to take care of all of his needs, that I have been controlled to do this because I ‘owe’ him, for him earning more money than me, for him working harder than me, for being so much wiser with money than me, for getting us where we are today. The list goes on.
Whilst I know I am not comparing to the same extent what the young, vulnerable girls have gone through, I still feel emotionally I am too paying such a high price for getting involved and not even realising what was being done to me.
AM I making an unfair comparison?
23rd April 2016 at 3:13 pm #15071WhathaveidoneParticipant
No. It’s not unfair comparison I personally think you ARE right that he has groomed you. It may not be for sexual favours (it may be -I’m not sure of your situation) but he emotionally controlled and manipulated you for his own benefit. I know how you feel.
I too feel that I’ve been groomed for similar reasons but also because I was just a few years older than these girls you mention when we started our relationship.
I believe my ‘partner’ planned this all very carefully. He waited until I was over the age of consent (but not yet a legal adult) to start a sexual relationship. Before this, he would buy me nice things, buy my mum and our family nice things, always go out of his way to help us and me especially. He treated me noticeably very different to everyone else – in a special way. He was never angry at me, always helped and advised me with my studies.
At the same time he isolated us from distant family and friends and eventually isolated me from my own family and all my friends.
Skip forward a few years later and I have to do everything for him, made to feel grateful for everything he does and has done, depend on him for all my emotional needs, for the type of work I do just everything. And all the warning signs were there but I didn’t realise it or chose to ignore it. Now I’m paying the consequences.
But then another side of me is telling me that I was so young, how was I to know? Even if I wasnt that young, he’s such a manipulator and control freak how could I have seen what was coming? He fooled me, my family, even my school at the time.
But yet after all this and more – I’m still with him.
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