Grooming behaviour

[Anonymous]

If a boy grooms a girl, which he later sexually abuses as an adult, could it follow on that he grooms a child that he is not related to, but gains the rights for that child to call him dad?

I’m worried about my daughter, her dad didn’t want to know, and suddenly my ex (abuser) stepped in as her father, then ‘rescued’ her from me when I neglected her, then gained PR for her. In front of professionals he is supportive, but she doesn’t like him, and wont go through school gates a few days before she goes to his. She wets the bed, and is destructive. He buys her toys, and stuff. She suddenly calls him dad. But has mentioned some abusive behaviour, which professionals say they cant do anything unless they hear it themselves. Thankfully, she goes to afterschool nursery after school when she is with him, I’m just a bit worried.

I also am a bit confused because she has also mentioned him ignoring her, do groomers tend to ignore children they are grooming?

[diymum@1]

evidence suggests abusive men are more likely to be sexually abusive towards children than non-abusive men, i guess thats obvious. i think with grooming the use push and pull – so ignoring the child will make them crave attention and mayb a way an abuser can persuade them into something they dont want to do just to get that attention. weve all been there ourselves desperate to make certain behaviours stop. its a difficult subject but has to be addressed – people tend to steer away from this topic because it makes us feel uncomfortable. theres the problem right there a real barrier. id ask the breakfast club to keep an eye on her – maybe be honest about your worries? id document with the gp and get there advice – im sure there will be specific support out there like open secret. therapy maybe an option yet she is very young. id get to the route of this if thats your gut feeling. keep a diary of her behaviour ie bed wetting. would she tell you how shes feeling? there might be books to read together about sensitive subjects especially about trust and being honest withe the people who look out for her and love her xx

diymum xxxx

[diymum@1]

after school sorry keep a note of why she says she dosent like him – bed wetting is a sign of stress in kids xx

[KIP.]

I think your first line says it all. “When a boy grooms a girl”. If it’s the same boy, he’s already discovered and participated in grooming behaviour when he was young and I’d be very worried. These men usually follow a pattern. Speak to your GP about your worries.

[Iwantmeback]

Hi there, such a difficult taboo subject to talk about, but if nobody does, how are we supposed to protect those we care about the most. I think by reading your post, your listening to your gut instinct. As DIY says, bed wetting can be a sign of stress in a child, if it’s just starting and hasn’t been there all along. Can you keep a journal of your child’s behaviour, do they get quiet or moody a few days before they’re due to go to dad’s? How is their appetite, binging or going off food? Let them know that you love them and are there for them no matter what. And that they can tell you anything. Let them know that if someone is asking them to keep a secret which they don’t want to, if they’ve said they’ll hurt your mummy or a pet or no-one will believe them, that it’s okay to tell you. Get after school on board, say you’re worried and can they keep an extra eye on your child. They might get more violent to others as they’re trying to work out what’s going on in their head or they might try to be overly sexual with other children. As KIP says go see your gp too. I pray nothing has happened to your wee one. Once you’ve spoken to your wee one, I’d leave it for a wee while, that way they’ll hopefully come to you on their own accord.
Best wishes IWMB 💞💞

[Lisa]

Dear tysonsfurry,

Thanks for posting, you are right to be concerned. I suggest you listen to your instinct and to what your daughter is telling you. Please consider speaking to a NSPCC counsellor for advice about this, on 0808 800 5000

You’ve also received good advice to speak to your GP and to your child’s school about your concerns. The more professionals you log your concerns with the better.

Kind Regards,

Lisa

[Zara]

You could also consider contacting childline, they are also very good at giving advice on the best way take things in regards grooming behaviour something I would have like to have been around. when I have been in the same position.

[Author]

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