Guilt

[RedFox]

Hi there,

Having a bad moment.
My partner entered the phase of nice times (or shall I say the I want you back times) as we are breaking up.
He came to ask me how I’m doing that, not being sad etc.
I feel guilty for not being totally in distress after breaking up. I feel bad for not feeling bad. I feel bad for him to be hurt.

[KIP.]

Hey there, mine said the same thing to me. Making out that I was the heartless one after all the awful things he had done to me. Abusers thrive off our guilt. If we carry the guilt then they don’t have to. Concentrate on yourself and your healing process. It’s just more mind games. That’s why no contact is so important.

[keepmovingfoward]

i’m not meaning to sound odd, but im so glad you’ve said this. because i’d walked away feeling relief and its liberating. i’ve claimed my life back as my own and although i’ve maintained no direct contact those that know both of us have told me (via messages) that he’s in a bad way, i try not to portray myself too okay to them as not to sound happy if that makes sense as i didnt want to risk being drawn back in as too much is at stake for me at the moment (custody issue). i now have cut contact with them also as i was aware that they were also affecting me, although i don’t believe it was their intention but its inevitable really when you know someone stuck inconveniently in the middle.

i’ve felt guilty for feeling fine and happy, i’ve felt anger at myself for not realising what was happening to me and dealing with it sooner, frustration that i know people had tried to tell me but i could neither see nor hear it, i’ve been called heartless for expecting a now homeless man to collect and store alot of belongings (a circumstance of his own making), i’ve been called cold for not giving him a second chance, but if you knew the full circumstances im sure that you’d 100% understand my reasons. I do keep worrying that im running on some sort of miracle juice at the moment and this feeling will crash around me and reality will hit and let me actually process what has actually happened but for now, im dealing with it, in probably much the same way you are, staying strong and sticking by my decision however tough it might be and keeping going in a positive direction! forward! not backwards!

[RedFox]

Heartless… I heard this word so many times. It’s one of the description he gave of me.

I feel exactly the same keepmovingforward. Almost waiting for the moment it will all hit me at once and be absolutely terrible.

I wish it was a no contact situation but things need to be sorted first.
And I am so scared of leaving my home, where I feel safe.

[RedFox]

He was nice for two days, almost concerned about my wellbeing.
A little thing gets in the way and he is gone. I dared saying something that annoyed him and so he is making me feel like I am insane.
I feel so bad this evening again. Why does he have to act like this constantly. I hate who he has become, I fell in love with someone else and who he is now is someone I would have never dated.

[Freedomfighter]

Don’t fall for his mind games please. The man you fell in love with is probably an illusion like mine. They play the nice guy when they’re trying to lure you back. Stay strong. My counsellor told me guilt is just anger turned inward. When he starts making you feel guilty bat it straight back at him. That’s what they’re doing

[Author]

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