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i have had this overwhelming gut feeling the past couple of days that he is going to turn up at my front door. its the only way he can contact me. my friend asked me why is there a garden fork by the door i said its for “him” when he turns up she looked at me in shock. its not it got delivered the other day and im too lazy to put it in the shed. but what scares me is i think i could hurt him for what he has done to me and put me through. am i wrong thinking/feeling this way x
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Of course you’re not wrong, it’s natural as you work through the anger. I’m sure we’ve all fantasised something similar at one point or another.
The difference is that you know violence is not the answer. You’ve demonstrated that by asking here.
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oh i could never love him ever again its sheer pure hate for what he has done and put me through and left me with. i cant express my hate. im finding every excuse not to be at home in case he knocks. i know him too well
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Always trust your gut. Unless you’re expecting visitors who have text or called prior to coming over, don’t answer the door. My ex knows where i stay, says he doesnt, but I’ve seen it on his search history amongst other stuff. If he calls and won’t take the hint, call the police. They can also put a smart alert on your house, think that’s what it’s called. Have you downloaded the holly app too? Always stay safe, i too stay out longer than I really want to but I’m ready for the next step which is calling the police.
Best wishes IWMB đđ -
I just want to share my experience and see if it rings true with yours. For a long time, I was convinced he was going to come back and finish me off. I suppose you could call it paranoia now but also there was always that possibility. And past experience of the red mist when he just lost control, regardless of the consequences. Although, several years looking back he would have to have been very stupid to try anything. It didnât stop him coming close to where I stayed and using flying monkey. Looking back I think that once we get the better of them, once we know their game and we stand up to them and are not prepared to be a victim anymore, the cowardly little people that they are, donât want to play anymore because theyâve met their match. Itâs okay when we are vulnerable and gullible. So while the fear is a process we most definitely have to go through, be careful itâs not overwhelming you. Read The Body Keeps The Score. Itâs all about how trauma affects us and also, the amygdala, the part of the brain that alerts us when we are in danger, it keeps going off because of past trauma and it can be absolutely crippling. Itâs okay for professionals to say itâs ringing alarm bells when it shouldnât but they havenât been through the violence and fear. What youâre feeling is normal. I out wheelie bins under my window in case he ever got in. Take the safety precautions that are sensible. Now I absolutely dare him to come to my door. Iâm not the same person and he knows it x
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again everything everyone says makes si much sence i will read everything advised. your right kip the minute i broke and stood up for myself and took control he went without a fight hes been far too quiet thats why my guts are in turmoil. i am leaving the garden fork by the door it looks good there… i have to laugh and joke because if i dont i will go under the police are aware of him advised me to do 999 if he turns up. my guard is so high these days
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If your garden fork makes you feel more secure then sod what friends think! Line the hall with garden tools! You’ll need a spade to dig up the patio! ;).
Being serious, I think we’ve all had our moments of daydreaming about their demise. Mine is rather gruesome and would be worthy of Preditor (the alien with dreadlocks).
I hope he stays away and you feel safer every day that passes xx
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I was given a personal alarm by my victim support worker. It makes a very very loud noise if I pull the pin out of it. It’s not something that in itself would stop an attack, but the shock of the loud noise might just be enough for me to get away and have those few seconds head start. So what my victim support worker did was to send me scenarios and how that personal alarm could be the difference between feeling cornered by him and being able to escape. I’ve never had to use it (only to test it) but I still keep it on my key chain. I was hoping the fear of him coming back to finish me off would have vanished by now but it hasn’t. And that little personal alarm is sometimes the only difference between me going outside for a walk or being to scared to open the front door. I don’t know if they can be purchased, I’ve only seen ones that uses a sharp burst of light which to me just wasn’t enough as they don’t really work during the day. I guess my point is that if a fork makes you feel that little bit safer, then who are others to dismiss it. I will keep my alarm on me until such a time where the fear has vanished and I’d rather be able to go for a walk than not x
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I have heard about these personal alarms they sound like an excellent idea. Your not crazy for thinking this way. I remember waking up in the night after his snoring woke me up yet again and his mouth was wide open and I thought you are making me so mad. Your vile to me in the day and then pester me for sex before falling asleep and keeping me awake all night snoring like that. We all have them moments do r feel guilty you are too kind hearted to ever act on them! X*x
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Yes, personal alarms are a good idea, theyâre cheap enough online. I bought a character shaped one for my niece when she went to uni. Looks like a bag charm. My ex cornered me in a corridor in a public place and I was struck dumb. I couldnât utter anything I was so scared. After that the personal alarm was such a comfort. It makes such a screech, would definitely get someoneâs attention.
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oh ladies you are all brilliant with your advice. escapee i can’t stop giggling at your post its been a standing joke for months burying him in the garden he would certainly kill the weeds off. hahaha. i have never been scared of him physically hurting me its always been mental, financial and emotional abuse. i hate him i really really hate him
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I still have no strong feelings of hatred towards my ex. I still feel shut down to be honest. I’ve been a little bit angry as to how dare he and I’ve put others in their place when they’ve dared to suggest we sort ourselves out, as if is walk away from 2 plys decades of marriage, our own home, cars fir nothing!! I just feel nothing for him and my other family members. I’m only just noticing myself and my own feelings of love for myself. I’m terrified to unleash the beast that is absolute rage at him, of him. I wouldn’t want to get in my path when she is unleashed, so for now i go through the motions of utter calm. You know what they say about the calm before the stormđ
IWMB đđ -
oh absolutely he will get my wrath one day and the b***h he is with can keep him and put up with what i put up with.. hopefully she will garden fork him đ¤Ł
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The police loaded with my landlord to have my locks changed and added extra security locks to all my windows just in case he tried to come back. I had to keep my door locked at all times -he hasnât been back. Tbh I hoped that he would be sensible enough not to because that day that I stood up to him shocked him I think! I think he never ever thought Iâd have the strength to do it because he had really broken me down. But he made he hugest mistake he could and started on my kids – do thay was it, I locked him out the back when heâs gone out there, rang the police and had him removed.
Wonât tell you what I did to half his stuff đ
I kind of went a bit crazy tbh when he kept messaging me and gaslighting – part of me wishes I hadn’t now as itâs probably made me look like a âpsycho exâ (which is what all of his exâs are called!), but the one thing I think it did achieve was sending the him the message that he was to never ever come near me or his kids again.I didnât have a shovel by my door but there was a golf club that happened to be there just in case! đŹ
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i think the majority of us all have to hit that lowest ebb to then rise like a Phoenix then breathe fire and fight back. i put a pist on yesterday how no contact taking control is the best feeling ever. im still picking up the pieces in different aspects which is getting me down he wired all my sockets with the wrong cables so no an electrician another plasterer then a decorator its all money hes costing me because i was led to believe he was qualified and a good handyman. it never stops but it will do the worst botch job has been sorted the botch job his mother gave birth to is out of my life for good
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You’re not wrong at all. I have vocalised multiple times (to extremely close friends and family) that I wish my ex was dead, that way I would never have to worry about him ever again. He would just be gone and I would finally be free. It’s a horrible way to feel and obviously I would never do anything to him, but when someone has betrayed you and hurt you emotionally, mentally and physically your brain goes through crazy processes to take the power back that you lost. It’s natural but don’t focus any negativity on him, it’s not good for you. Focus everything on you and love/take care of yourself. If he does come back lock that door and call the police x
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Not a safety tip, but I found listening to music which verbalised my feelings really helpful when I left my ex. Particularly what I think of as “angry female country”. I was far too terrified (and realistically am far too nice) to take any kind of revenge on him. But gosh it was fun singing along to lyrics about slashing his tyres, keying his car, ruining his reputation, etc. Made me feel more like I owned my anger, and that made me less afraid.
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oh you are far too nice lol i have wished every painful death related illness on to him more so today as i am going to have to find ÂŁ100 to get a wiring job fixed that he has left dangerous to the house i keep saying the abuse and torture never stops even when they are gone.
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not ÂŁ100 its a ÂŁ1000 to have the job done
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