Had a bad week

[Anonymous]

So much happened during the course of last week and the weekend that I dont even have words to post anymore.

I joined this forum a few weeks ago because I was unsure of how to deal with the abuse. Right after I joined he started changing for the better. He started getting sweeter and treating me and being kind. I thought that he was trying to change. We still had our odd arguments, but that was it. Last week when I thought he was cheating on me, he actually surprised me by picking up my sister and bringing her for a visit and also bought me chocolates and everything.

Then (date removed by moderator) things turned for the worst again. He hasnt beaten me in about 3 weeks, which I am very happy about, but I cant help feel that he is getting more aggressive again. The fights, the name calling, the emotional abuse, everything is getting worse again. On (date removed by moderator)he got mad at me for falling asleep early again, I tried on numerous occasions to tell him I cant help falling asleep, I even fall asleep at work and want to see a doctor about it, but he tells me I am lying and I am pathetic and dont want to try and save the relationship. He went to bed and slammed the door. I know if I sleep in another room that he will abuse me in the middle of the night, so I stood up and went to bed. He then refused for me to sleep under blankets (it is the middle of winter where I am and absolutely freezing). I couldnt sleep at all that night and when I told him the next day how I felt about it and that he was selfish, he laughed and said he wasnt selfish, atleast he made sure the dog was warm as well. As if it was all a joke to him.

We had so many fights this weekend and the stuff he said to me again really hurt me, but when I try and talk to him, he laughs it off. I dont know what to do anymore.

Besides laughing it off, he goes through phases. He will be happy and sweet the one moment and I will be the love of his life and the next he will be angry and abusive and the more frustrated he gets, the more I fear for another attack.

[godschild]

Hi womaninneed this is a typical cycle of abuse, have you seen the diagram showing the phases of abuse, googke the cycle of abuse if you havnt. ive had this behavoir for decades, nice then slowley turns horrible again over and over, I have only ever been hit once at the end of last year but ive had my things smashed and awful verbal abuse and controlling. They have jeckle and hyde personalities, very few change it takes a lot of hard work and for them to come out of denial over their behavoir to change. Some people call it love bombing when they are nice to try to win you back but it never ever lasts. Have you read the book by Lundy Bancroft why does he do that, it clarifies so much and he gives a list to show what real geniune change is. Have you spoken to Womens Aid they are very good they will advise you and understand what you are going through, unfortunately another attack is very probable so take care and get support x*x

[Anonymous]

Hi Godschild

Thank you for the helpful advise.

I have googled the cycle of abuse and I know he has been doing it for years. I just thought this time was different, that he is really trying. Usually we couldnt go through a week without him lifting his hands at me and it has been 3 weeks now, but he just wont stop with the emotional abuse. I know I am a sucker and fall for it every time, but it is just so difficult knowing when he is actually trying and when he is just love bombing me.

I will try and get the book and read it. Thank you so much

xox

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