7th February 2016 at 7:05 pm #9267
I was out today and the car wouldn’t start, I called the AA in tears, and they came and sorted.
But I felt so alone, no one to speak to about it.
In truth he would have lost his temper and have been no support what so ever.
But its the first time I felt scared not relief of being on my own.
7th February 2016 at 7:51 pm #9271DaisyParticipant
Bless you fallen sky’s,
I remember my daughter being equally upset, when her car broke down on a roundabout as a young driver, because if it had happened to her friends they would call their fathers but her’s would have been as much use as your ex, in fact her’s would probably have been too intoxicated to be of any use to anyone,
i don’t drive, but I would have felt scared too,
Despite that, you did phone and get it all sorted,
So you are much more capable than you give yourself credit for,
Sending you a ((((hug)))))
7th February 2016 at 7:57 pm #9273
O Daisy thank you xx
Do you know I kept saying to the man what have I done wrong? I have been so conditioned that everything was my fault. He was very kind and said nothing and he said any problems just ring. (lol think its got to be a car issue 😉 )
7th February 2016 at 8:35 pm #9275DaisyParticipant
Falling sky’s, typed your name correctly this time, sorry- not sure if it’s me, my brain or my tablet, – for now I blame the tablet😇,
That’s better, tears over and we can now laugh about it,
We get through it because we have to, later we appreciate the decent people and times and don’t take them for granted because of things just like this
X x x
7th February 2016 at 8:39 pm #9276
To true Daisy
And of course its your tablet not you, we have taken the blame to often 🙂
7th February 2016 at 8:47 pm #9278
And It was the car not you lol and well done for just dealing with it that’s what the Aa are for to help you
And we are all here to help you too
Big hugs xx
7th February 2016 at 8:59 pm #9282
This site is my saviour all you wise ladies have kept me sane.
7th February 2016 at 9:12 pm #9285
And your helping us too x*x
7th February 2016 at 9:21 pm #9287
I do hope so, sometimes I think I have been in an abuse bubble for so many years I wonder if can of any use to anyone. But I think of you all as my friends, my mother, my sister or daughter and I want us all to get strong and break the cycle.
7th February 2016 at 9:33 pm #9289
Most definitely You are a big support and of great help to us all on here
You have lived it and are coming through the other side xx
7th February 2016 at 9:39 pm #9290
Thank you Savingmyself xx
8th February 2016 at 9:04 am #9314LisaMain Moderator
What an achievement to have dealt with it yourself. Tears and not a sign of weakness but simply a display of emotion. You dealt with it all by yourself without the need for a man. Well done Fallingskys. Victory!
8th February 2016 at 10:28 am #9322Confused123Participant
Focus on u did it though, u can do this , slowly your self esteem will increase more
8th February 2016 at 11:11 am #9330
Thankyou Lisa and Confused123, it was a victory, but just proves how much I have been chipped at. And I did it and let’s hope next time without tears.
My tears were always used against me, but no more.
8th February 2016 at 3:02 pm #9348SerenityParticipant
Our controlling and monopolising abusers never let us organise or take control of anything : they insisted and doing so, and relished telling us how inept and stupid we were.
Breaking down is stressful, especially for someone mid or post- abuse. I broke down a year or so ago on a bend in a winding country road, and my heart was in my mouth. I was terrified of getting mowed into or causing a fatal accident.
If my ex had been there, he too would have blamed me or got impatient.
I rang the AA, only to find I wasn’t covered anymore- because my cruel husband had taken my name off the membership and kept only his, without telling me.
I had to joking again on the spot ( £100 later ) and was told that wasn’t normally allowed, but as I was a long -standing member, they were doing me a favour!
Anyway, some good things came from this experience. Firstly, I dealt with the whole situation on my own. I used to deal with cars breaking down with ease in the early years, before he made me scared of everything. So I felt I was returning to my old self.
Secondly, I experienced the milk of human kindness. So many people stopped to ask if I needed help.
One man went off after I said no, I was ok and didn’t need help: his kids in the back of the car had told him off for leaving me there, and he came back!
This showed me that there is such goodness in the world. Those children were obviously being brought up in a loving home, as they had a conscience and sense of responsibility for others- and they looked very young!
Yet our partners- the ones who are meant to love us- wouldn’t have been so kind. Nor, I doubt, would they have been so kind to strangers, unless there was something in it for them ( to impress someone, etc.).
By the time I got home, my new found post- abuse strength had begun to rise : how was it justifiable that I had been taken off the membership without my consent? And I was the original member.
I called the AA complaints department and expressed my concerns. I was told that it is easy for one member to alter a joint membership to single, and the AA won’t inform the person who has been taken off.
I explained that this was very risky, that AA were meant to protect people, that my kids could have been in the car, stuck, and that not all couples behave with integrity during break ups, so women raising children on their own or just left alone were a vulnerable group of people, that the AA had to change its policy and inform people if their name had been taken off a membership.
As a result, I got a partial refund.
The old me would never have done that!
I hope that this stressful experience has also strengthened you, and made you realise you can cope with these things alone, and that you can call upon kind and professional people to help you, that you don’t need your cruel and childish abuser to make it even more upsetting. 🌸
8th February 2016 at 10:17 pm #9363
Thankyou for your find words and sharing your experience.
What we did pre abuse easily becomes so hard.
The aa lady and the man were very kind. And to day I took it to the garage for tests, they couldn’t find anything wrong. I ask how much and they said nothing, how kind.
There are good men in the world but its hard sometimes to see it.
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