Gave in to him getting in contact. So I spoke to him and made it clear and told him how I am so better off without him. Tbh I am actually a mess and in so much physical pain. But I feel I have to get him to go. This time I told him I stayed out till late with my friends etc. Seems to have bothered him. But I think I am doing everything to push him away. I think he has actually got the message this time as he started turning bitter towards me. I felt I was trying with someone who did not understand my concerns or feelings.
I’m sorry for all the pain you are feeling, I promise it gets easier with time and the right support. You can feel good again. I agree that he does not understand your concerns or feelings, or he does but he just doesn’t care for them much – it’s sad how abusers just see us as a way to fill them but you’re right you’re much better without him x