Had enough

[Supermum]

I found out recently that my husband has been seeing escorts, it’s been going on for quite some time. I am stunned, and this knowledge has really given me the incentive to finally act. But, I’m also slightly tied as there’s social services involvement due to something that happened between him and one of the kids, he doesn’t know this yet, and they are expressing concern for our safety if it’s not carefully managed, so I’m in limbo.

Although I haven’t told him anything, I am going to get medical advice on testing for anything sexually transmitted that he could have given me, and I have booked an initial appointment with a solicitor. I’m still waiting to be allocated a domestic abuse support worker, the social worker is pushing for that to happen. And now his shotgun licence is due for renewal.

I feel dirty and used over this whole escort business. He has coerced me into sex for years but I really struggle to have him near me now. I’m acting as normal as possible for now but it’s so hard. I don’t know if he will agree to leave, or if he’s going to make life awkward, which I suspect. A few close friends and my brother know what’s going on so I do have some support.

[SunshineRainflower]

Hi there Supermum,

How horrible for him to be using escorts, cheating on you, lying about it and putting your health at risk, these abusers really are disgusting people with no morals or empathy. I might be mistaken in understanding your story but wouldn’t social services much prefer it if you left him asap so that your children are safe concerning this incident between him and one of the children?

It is good you haven’t told him and are acting normal. Ring the helpline and make a plan for next steps. You could start with getting your documents etc together somewhere safe that he can’t find which will make leaving easier, unless you own the house and can get him removed. The helpline and/or local DV worker can help you with plans of what to do. Good idea to get tested for stds, keep yourself as safe as possible from him.

No wonder you struggle to have him near you, he doesn’t deserve you at all the way he has behaved.

[Freedomfighter]

Hi Supermum,
So sorry you’re having a rough time. These men are such selfish, hateful men. They really don’t have any respect or thought for anyone but themselves.
Don’t expect him to make things easy for you though. Whether he’s nice about it, furious or cries and begs don’t trust him. Don’t say a word until you and your children are safely away and go no contact. Let your lawyer deal with all communication. They can’t be trusted. He will stall and drag his feet with everything. Get everything sorted with your lawyer. They will delay giving him the divorce notice until you are safe and can help with getting him out and forcing responses from him. Good luck. Stay strong and safe

[Supermum]

I’m still in limbo because I’ve been assessed as high risk on the domestic violence risk assessment, and my case will have to go to a multi agency meeting. I have a solicitors appointment booked now. I also have been given a support worker.

[Author]

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