Had enough

[Idontknowwhy]

Broke my relationship off a fair while ago due to dv
But months and months on it’s not getting better still controlling me a lot ( I feel a fraud on here because there’s no violence anymore )
But he’s told me I’m not alloud to move on and he will make sure I don’t and he’s having me back I’ve made it clear this can’t and won’t happen but he just won’t listen if I stop contact with children he will turn up unexpected randomly and not allways at my home and try and take child which I legally can’t stop him I’m so stuck and so scared that my life is for ever on hold or i risk things becoming worse

[KIP.]

You certainly can legally stop him from taking your child. Ring Rights for Women and ask about a court order regarding access. Contact your women’s aid for support. While there is nothing legal in place he can continue to threaten you. If you can gather as much evidence of these threats as you can that will be great to show his controlling behaviour. Most family solicitors offer initial free legal advice. You have the right to have zero contact with this man. If he continues this behaviour then you need a non molestation order. It’s difficult but the alternative is while he has access to you he will continue to destroy your mental and perhaps physical health. Please don’t feel like a fraud. The mental cruelty and abuse for me was much worse and longer lasting than the physical stuff. And if he has been violent in the past then it will be easy for him to repeat that behaviour. They are very dangerous when they feel they are losing control. Maybe speak to your local domestic abuse police? Just for some advice. You’re going to need help to get him away. Try the helpline number on here. They have great contacts

[Iwantmeback]

Hi idontknowwhy, 3rd time lucky. I keep pressing the delete button instead of send😅
Number 1. YOU ARE NOT A FRAUD. You are amazing, you’ve left him, that’s fantastic💜
What a swine, he’s telling you you’re not allowed to move on, really. What a prat. Stick you your guns, you’re doing so well 👏👏
You left because his behaviour scared you, does he really think you’re going to give him your children esp when its under his say so and where he decides. you are under no legal obligation to do so, you are being a responsible parent in keeping your children safe. I agree with KIP, let him go through a solicitor to arrange access.
Had he contacted you via texts, the tone of those are evidence of his continuing abuse. .
Keep safe, don’t believe a word he says, even if he says he’s spoken to a solicitor and they’ve said he’s entitled to suchandsuch. If he’s entitled to anything do it on your terms.
IWMB 💕💕

[Lisa]

Good Morning Idontknowwhy,

I just wanted to show you some support. I am so pleased to see you have had some great advice. Please do try the helpline at a safe time to suit you. If they are busy then leave a message and they will call you back. Hopefully the helpline will help you to know what your options are and signpost you to some local support. Rights of Women can also be helpful so please have a look at their website- wwww.row.org.uk

You are doing brilliantly. Sadly we all know here that abusive men use child contact to continue the abuse long after the relationship is over but you can put strategies in place to reduce his effect both on you and your children.

Best wishes,

Lisa
Forum Moderator

[Author]

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