hahard to cope with big life events when your just recovering

[diymum@1]

so my dad has cancer – hes decided to stop treatment because he cant cope with the side effects. this is my worst nightmare (im sorry this is a very depressing post btw) im in bits because i know i have to support him in his decision. but i feel guilt for feeling like saying dont leave me – not again xxxx im so upset i just feel people deal with loosing people so much better than me but then this is something i have very extreme feelings about xxxx im crying cant sleep and trying to put on a brave face again xxxx love diymum

[KIP.]

Don’t be so hard on yourself. Anybody would find this very difficult no matter what their background. I would say just be there and support your dad in whatever decision he makes. You have nothing to feel guilty about. Lean on friends and family too. There are many fabulous cancer charities available to help you all deal the emotions and the process. Maybe talking to somebody at a local charity will help x sending a big 🤗 hug x

[diymum@1]

yeh thats a good idea macmillan are great – i lost my friend to cancer and i cried for a whole month – not sure if its normal to cry on and off all day but this is what im like xxxx i cant tun the tears off i could fill abuck! thanks kip hugs back

[diymum@1]

a bucket sorry i am a mess xxxx

[Twisted Sister]

Dear DIYmum@1

I am so sorry to hear you are losing your dad.

I would be continually crying also. Its a horribly upsetting and difficult thing to go through.

No words can really describe how this is for you. Just wanted to say i will be thinking of you and sending you strength.

You will get through this,and the tears will help. Every strength love.

Warmest wishes

TS

[Twisted Sister]

…make all the lovely memories at this time that you can. It will be huge comfort to him to have his daughter walk alongside him through this. x

[diymum@1]

thanks for all the replies – one day at a time ive had lots of support here at home too. feel silly for crying sometimes. but better for it. i think he is all over the place at the moment. i felt this morning the realisation that everything ive been through has definitely made me less able to deal with such emotive stuff in life. when it comes to the ones i love i do it in style – i feel things deeply but given everything we know i would rather feel than no be able to even although my feelings are extreme xxxx hope this makes sense xxxx

[diymum@1]

i suppose this is where the quote comes from ‘it is better to have loved and lost than never to have loved at all’ xxxx love diymum

[AlwaysSorry]

I’m so sorry to read this. Sending you a very big hug x
I can imagine the turmoil of emotions and it is truly amazing to read how aware you are of why it is affecting you the way it is. It shows a great insight.
I’m glad you have support at home, it’s so needed in times like these. I wish you never had to lose another person in your life ever again and I hope the gift of time to make more memories before the end can help soothe the blow. It sounds like your dad means a lot to you and I’m sure it’s the same for him x
He is lucky to have such a caring and insightful daughter as you x

Many many hugs x

[EbonyRaven]

I don’t blame you for being in floods of tears, such a hard thing to go through. You must be in awful pain. Sending hugs. x

[HopeLifeJoy]

I am so sorry to hear this DYImum, it is heartbreaking, I have no words of comfort strong enough 😔 pls do tell him you wish he didn’t go, do tell him anything what is held in your heart for him, tell him everything, tell him now not later, he has to fight this so you still have a dad, tell him so he might have the strength to fight this. Be selfish and tell him to stay!

Be kind to yourself honey, take it easy with everything. Sending you big hugs 💞

[diymum@1]

we all went to see him yesterday and he seemed abit more chipper. i will respect his decision if he decides not to continue because it is this thats keeping him alive. if his quality of life isnt good then thats when i have to step back for him. for me i would always fight but like we know so well when we havent stood in someones shoes we dont know how that feels xxxx all we can do is support and be there – thankyou very much ladies xxxx much love diymum

[fizzylem]

Oh chick, heartbreaking. You do and feel whatever it is you need; this is a painful time, wouldn’t be natural for you feel any other way, means you love him hey. Give yourself some time to get used to this. Big love x*x

[diymum@1]

big love back xxxx

[HopeLifeJoy]

Such serene and generous approach DYImum. I wish you the best of time with him. Take videos & pics with him 😌 🎥📸📱

[diymum@1]

thanks i do appreciate that 🙂 i must admit i do wonder why life keeps throwing me these curve balls? thats life i guess! xxxx much love diymum

[HopeLifeJoy]

I know…I thought the same when I read your post, I can’t understand why a person who loves you so must go. It makes me angry and sad for you. I rather your abusive ex would die. I really do wonder how this is all decided…maybe your father has full-filled all the good he intended to do during his life time and gets to go to heaven? I’m not religious but I do start to wonder if it’s all a school here on earth…guess we’ll never know.💞

[diymum@1]

i think it is i believe we are sent here to learn. the whole dv experience has taught me to believe and before i never believed in anything. im not religious either but i do think there is a higher being and there is good and evil and for evil there are consequences and for good the rewards will come. i think going through court etc (and i noticed one of the other ladies said she prayed over and over in her anxious state) i did this and the part that mad me feel safe was deliver us from evil. sounds daft but it worked. now i say a prayer most days for all the people in my life and on here who ares striving. im going to leave money to womens aid in my will ! lol im being depressing i get a row for being deep from lots of people !! 🙂

much love

diymum

[fizzylem]

Hey chick, this is your dad’s ending and he’s clearly choosing to try and take back some control over it – not prolongue it hey; you can relate to the need to do that hey. When you feel ready, think about how you would like to end also. I dont know how long you’ve got, but maybe you’d like to help him realise one last dream? Together – a teasured memory – or visit a shared special place together one last time. Or maybe it’s that you simply like to sit and have a cupper and chat, so you can schedule more of these times in. Or maybe there are things you’d like to say or know about his life? Now is the time to say it or ask it. It’s easy to get caught up in supporting him, but you are also part of this ending and thus have things you need to do as well. What are these things? What is important to you? What needs to be done? What will help you with his passing?

Try not to think that you will be there in his final moments, you can try to aim for this yes, and hope, but I’ve seen this eat people up in the past, feeling they somehow failed or should have been there when this was not possible. It’s an honour and privilage yes to be there – but it is often pure luck too x

[fizzylem]

Take the space and time you need for now – make little shuffles (little adjustments) here and there in preparation; but from what I know of you, I can imagine you jumping into helping him and putting you to one side – please don’t, please acknwowledge this is happening to you as well – maybe a discussion with him at some point that you respect his wishes but would like him to also acknowledge you are in this together? x

[diymum@1]

ive already told him i am proud to call him dad – hes came through alot in his life loss etc but he has the motto keep going keep busy. he strived as young kid in the face of real adversity and did so well for himself.self sufficient and hungry to get on in life. i wish i had had a dad like him for my kids xxxx love diymum

[diymum@1]

weve agreed i will give up work to look after him x*x

[fizzylem]

Oh DM, this will help no end; you coudl take a sabatical and it means you can be where you really want to be – so pleased for you; will remove the pressure you all need xxxxx

[fizzylem]

He sounds like such a lovely soul and a real scource of inspiration, love reading you are proud to call him your dad; would love you to tell me all about him one day xx

[AlwaysSorry]

He sounds like a wonderful dad, it’s really inspiring to read that there are relationships out there where you can come to decisions like these such as giving up work to be there, it’s beautiful really. This must be what true love is, being there for each other x

[HopeLifeJoy]

Yes count me in too, would love to hear too nice stories from your dad…that’s what real love is isn’t; unconditional love between a parent and a child.
Lol I’m definately putting Women’s Aid on my monthly donation list once I’m back in the professional life. 💞

[diymum@1]

Well I used to wait at the top off the stair for him,his wee girl, he had a dangerous job and I used to clock watch. I would run down to greet him when he came home I think he loved that. He is also really funny he kep me laughing when I broke my arm and when I gave up sucking my thumb! Lol he always says you get what you sow and he’s right. Xxxx thanks guys lots of love xxxx

[HopeLifeJoy]

Thanks for sharing, it’s just so sweet to read about love. Enjoy your time with each other 💞

[BeautyMarked]

I’m so sorry diymum. I’m always amazed at how strong all the ladies on this forum are and you have given me so much good advice. I wish I had some to offer back. Even when you are in bits I just want to say that you are strong and I know that because of all the things you have said that were absolutely right. I just wish the best for you x

[diymum@1]

thank you so much one day at a time -how you doing are you ok xxxx love diymum

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