Happy b****y Christmas…

[itmustbemesurely]

I’m so anxious about today…he bought 13 bottles of wine…it’s worse when he drinks.ive already been called a f@@king stroppy b@tch, f@@kung stupid, useless, a r****d, moody…I’m so anxious I can hardly breathe and want to cry…..

[Ssss]

It’s horrible being on edge waiting for them to call the shots…. they control the whole mood of everyone.. i hope you have a non eventful rest of Christmas… mine hasn’t even go up…which means all quiet up to now but waiting….. the only thing he does for the whole of chrismas is make xmas dinner…. I could do it but he wants to but then we have to wait until he decides we will have it…. so stuff him… we’re having food now.. and when he gets up/ if he does if we’re not hungry we won’t eat his stuff…it’s not end of world.. as long as kids have something. To eat doesn’t matter what… hope everyone is ok xx

[KIP.]

I just want to tell you that you do not have to put up with this. I put up with it and I will never go back to that. Can you jump in a taxi and go to friends or family. If you cannot do that then ring the police. If you can secretly record his abuse. I know how we are paralysed by fear but there really is a better life out there where you can have a peaceful Christmas and a safe abuse free life X he chooses to behave this way. Nothing you do will prevent his abuse. One bottle, thirteen bottles or no bottles. He is an abuser and always will be. Keep your mobile on you at all times.

[Jupiter]

I agree with KIP. This is terrible mental abuse and you need to stay safe.He is the culprit and you are the innocent person.You need to escape this nightmare so have you any help from anyone like womens aid? I think you can send them a message on their site to tell them about your situation.You could do it when he is either out asleep or in the shower.That way you will know that you are taking action to get support without him knowing.You can pass on whatever you want in secret and womens aid will help you.Also on their site there is a mobile no to get help sooner .You are not alone and we are here to support you too.
Jupiter

[really-free]

After (detail removed by moderator) years of Christmas ruined, on egg shells waiting for it all to kick off, this has been my first year without abuse after leaving (detail removed by moderator)

I have cried a little thaws last few days but mostly for a relationship I wish I had been in, not the one I really was in.

Christmas does not have to be perfect, but it does not have to be a day of pure hell and abuse.

And do you know what, now I have walked away I cannot believe it took me so long! All the reasons I told myself that I had to stay, they have all been less of an issue than so thought.
You have to be so strong to deal with abuse that you may be surprised at yourself.

My thoughts are with you and I hope your time to escape will not take you as long as it did me.
With love
Really free xxxx

[really-free]

After (detail removed by moderator) years of Christmas ruined, on egg shells waiting for it all to kick off, this has been my first year without abuse after leaving (detail removed by moderator)

I have cried a little these last few days but mostly for a relationship I wish I had been in, not the one I really was in.

Christmas does not have to be perfect, but it does not have to be a day of pure hell and abuse.

And do you know what, now I have walked away I cannot believe it took me so long! All the reasons I told myself that I had to stay, they have all been less of an issue than so thought.
You have to be so strong to deal with abuse that you may be surprised at yourself.

My thoughts are with you and I hope your time to escape will not take you as long as it did me.
With love
Really free xxxx

[Nova]

It’s difficult to read the fear & anxiety is there & it’s frustrating to not be able to help you!

We all agree that …however it happens, to get out & that will take some support & secret planning…to free yourself & children.
As I posted this Xmas has been the first, in many years that I have had fun & enjoyed the day…trust me…I’ve been through total nightmares like you describe, sulking shouting dominating dr*nk, controlling, leaving me in fear, sleeping on the edge of the bed, terrified incase he decides to explode into a monster.

Best you leave all that behind and head for freedom, it’s not easy we know this, each persons situ is different & similar, there must be more to your life!
Hugs & feel our support, we are with you.

C x

[Falling Skys]

Hi xx

Hope your Christmas went better than you thought, I left the house early the day before the event after finding bottles of spirts lined up to drink it was spur of the moment. I was lucky I had some where to go, but now back in it again but the alcohol situation has past.

I am working towards freedom and I hope you can make a plan too. No one should have to live as we have.

FS xx

[itmustbemesurely]

To be honest I was an emotional wreck all day so drank too much, I have a really low tolerance for booze, I’m cross with myself really. He kept drinking on Boxing Day and did the usual thing in having a tantrum when I was keen on having @@x I had been asleep for an hour and a half when he came to bed and woke me….don’t know why he is surprised when I’m not in the mood when he has ridiculed me, called me names and drank two bottles of wine…as well as four beers…I hate it, and cry, I feel sick and repulsed but if I don’t do it it’s worse….what a life hey! The support you give me is amazing, to chat to people who understand and don’t judge is a godsend xx

[itmustbemesurely]

I meant wasn’t keen…obviously as I can think of nothing worse!! Today I’ve been asked where I’ve put (detail removed by moderator)….shouted at like a child. He is vile.

[itmustbemesurely]

Not in the mood I’m frigid, tried to say that it’s because I’m spoken to like dirt, sworn at and shouted at but he doesn’t listen. It’s nothing to do with him, nothing but my fault. I’ve got someone else, I want someone else, I’ve been unfaithful, I want to be unfaithful. I’m distant and unloving, nasty. I feel like he is right and I am wrong this morning xx

[EeyoreNoMore]

I went through all this too. As grown adults in a monogamous relationship we like to have emotional intimacy before physical intimacy. They do not understand (or do not care) and just want the physical side. In my experience as long as he apologised for shouting, swearing, demeaning etc he thought I should just forget about it and be the randy temptress I was when we first met. Funny how real life doesn’t work like that.

Oh you don’t want me so where else are you getting it from? Oh you don’t want me so you must be frigid. Yeah yeah, blah blah, just deflecting from their own behaviour and shifting the blame back to us. Again.

This is no way to live hun, please see if you can read some books and call the helpline.

Keep posting xx

[itmustbemesurely]

My son and I were both sick today, he has been out all day, hasn’t asked how either of us are. Said you’ve made me feel sick I hope don’t get it it’s much worse for me. It’s just cruel really.

[KIP.]

Hi there. I just posted on how they treat us when we are ill. How they actually make us feel worse. No decent human being behaves that way. If you love someone, you care about them and show them you care. An old friend once said my husband had a ‘swinging brick’ for a heart. I think they all do. They see us weakened and they pile on the abuse. You all deserve better X

[itmustbemesurely]

It feels like that, doesn’t it. He is moaning at me for being miserable all Christmas, that was just after he ‘wanted me’ even though I didn’t want him, no touching, no tenderness just for F@*** sake when he struggled to do it…how can I not be a bit b****y miserable.

[Author]

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