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for tomorrow to all you wonderful ladies I’m off away so writing this now ,I am not a mum as I not want kids and my own mum has been gone a long time ,but just wanted to send you all a big hug ,and for those of you that are not having the kids as HE has taken them just to spoil your day ,laugh at what pathetic
little boys they are ,god bless you all keep safe ladies ,keep smiling !!!!!!! xx -
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Thanks missgiddypants for your warm wishes. My abuser has orchestrated events so my children have to spend the day with him tomorrow, so I will have a laugh tomorrow at how pathetic he and all abusers are.
So I will be celebrating Mother’s Day the weekend after. I’ll be giving him No Reaction, yes ‘no reaction’ (to his silly games), ‘no contact’ and ‘living my life well’ will be my greatest revenge.
I will have the last laugh.
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Me too loverofnocontact
Although he didn’t directly engineer it it is a result of the alienation process. I said no to one child on something and offered suitable alternatives but she decided how dare I say no and she wasn’t coming at all then the other wouldn’t stay either.
I believe He is planning to bring them round tomorrow for an in and out visit but I am worried he’s going to use it to try and get face to face contact with me.
I can’t say don’t bring them can I. Im not sure if I email I don’t want him to come to door, he won’t just get offended at my being ungrateful of his efforts and not bring them at all. -
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Hi SilkyHalide,
Remember our abusers. What we tell them we want, they will always do the opposite. Their plan is to worry, hurt and upset us. They get a ‘kick’ out of that. That is their ‘high’ using their drug of ‘power and control’. So don’t initiate contact with him and email him your wishes of not coming to your door. He will use ‘your words’ to do the opposite of what you want, thus render your email ineffective, criticise you (using the words on your email) to your children.
If he does use ‘Mother’s Day and your children’ to come to your door so he can make contact with you and ‘hurt’ you with his intimidating stance, staring, hostile ‘look’ with a dash of contempt thrown in, hostile ‘tone of voice’. My abuser uses all these tactics when he ‘accidentally’ comes in contact with me when I am having contact with my children.
I don’t engage him. I don’t look at him (so I can’t see his contempt of me), I ignore his ‘staring and intimidatory’ stances. But I suppose his hostile demeanor and even just one hostile word ‘triggers’ me and affects me, so after the unpleasant minimum contact with my abuser I come unto this Forum and reading the posts and sharing helps me recover.
Give him no reaction and come share with us if you end up having contact with him today because of you wanting to see your children on Mother’s Day.
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Silky,
I think LONC has given you great advice. Don’t give him the satisfaction of even gaining your eye contact. Don’t share with him how you feel of what you want about anything. Grey Rock Method, remember. And yes this with your kids too- always be there if they need you, but don’t privilege them with your most vulnerable thoughts whilst they are in that m I pulsation zone with him.
Silky- I hope you will do something small but wonderful for yourself today x*x
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Thank you ladies
Yes I was “grey rock” yesterday before your advice, which I was worried might make it more likely to make him try again for contact today.
I’ll never know what he was planning if anything as a third party was here and if he had planned he didn’t bother carrying it through.
If I averted an in front of the children drama then that is a good result.
😉
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