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    • #10962
      missgiddypants
      Participant

      for tomorrow to all you wonderful ladies I’m off away so writing this now ,I am not a mum as I not want kids and my own mum has been gone a long time ,but just wanted to send you all a big hug ,and for those of you that are not having the kids as HE has taken them just to spoil your day ,laugh at what pathetic
      little boys they are ,god bless you all keep safe ladies ,keep smiling !!!!!!! xx

    • #10964
      White Rose
      Participant

      Thanks!
      Woshing you many happy days this weekend and in the future too. Hope you have a good time away x*x

    • #10965
      White Rose
      Participant

      I mean wishing obviously!

    • #11009
      lover of no contact
      Participant

      Thanks missgiddypants for your warm wishes. My abuser has orchestrated events so my children have to spend the day with him tomorrow, so I will have a laugh tomorrow at how pathetic he and all abusers are.

      So I will be celebrating Mother’s Day the weekend after. I’ll be giving him No Reaction, yes ‘no reaction’ (to his silly games), ‘no contact’ and ‘living my life well’ will be my greatest revenge.

      I will have the last laugh.

    • #11014
      SilkyHalide
      Participant

      Me too loverofnocontact
      Although he didn’t directly engineer it it is a result of the alienation process. I said no to one child on something and offered suitable alternatives but she decided how dare I say no and she wasn’t coming at all then the other wouldn’t stay either.
      I believe He is planning to bring them round tomorrow for an in and out visit but I am worried he’s going to use it to try and get face to face contact with me.
      I can’t say don’t bring them can I. Im not sure if I email I don’t want him to come to door, he won’t just get offended at my being ungrateful of his efforts and not bring them at all.

    • #11015
      Serenity
      Participant

      Happy Mother’s Day too to all you brave mothers.

      My youngest won’t be with me. It is my ex’s weekend to have him, yet no doubt I will be expected to be flexible come Father’s Day!
      Well, he’s back in the evening, at least.

      X*x

    • #11016
      Serenity
      Participant

      PS All those mothers who are without their children tomorrow:take extra special care of yourselves. X*x

    • #11030
      lover of no contact
      Participant

      Hi SilkyHalide,

      Remember our abusers. What we tell them we want, they will always do the opposite. Their plan is to worry, hurt and upset us. They get a ‘kick’ out of that. That is their ‘high’ using their drug of ‘power and control’. So don’t initiate contact with him and email him your wishes of not coming to your door. He will use ‘your words’ to do the opposite of what you want, thus render your email ineffective, criticise you (using the words on your email) to your children.

      If he does use ‘Mother’s Day and your children’ to come to your door so he can make contact with you and ‘hurt’ you with his intimidating stance, staring, hostile ‘look’ with a dash of contempt thrown in, hostile ‘tone of voice’. My abuser uses all these tactics when he ‘accidentally’ comes in contact with me when I am having contact with my children.

      I don’t engage him. I don’t look at him (so I can’t see his contempt of me), I ignore his ‘staring and intimidatory’ stances. But I suppose his hostile demeanor and even just one hostile word ‘triggers’ me and affects me, so after the unpleasant minimum contact with my abuser I come unto this Forum and reading the posts and sharing helps me recover.

      Give him no reaction and come share with us if you end up having contact with him today because of you wanting to see your children on Mother’s Day.

    • #11033
      Serenity
      Participant

      Silky,

      I think LONC has given you great advice. Don’t give him the satisfaction of even gaining your eye contact. Don’t share with him how you feel of what you want about anything. Grey Rock Method, remember. And yes this with your kids too- always be there if they need you, but don’t privilege them with your most vulnerable thoughts whilst they are in that m I pulsation zone with him.

      Silky- I hope you will do something small but wonderful for yourself today x*x

    • #11034
      Serenity
      Participant

      Typo!

      I mean whilst they are in that manipulation zone with him!

    • #11035
      lover of no contact
      Participant

      Grey Rock method. Love it!! That and No Contact, our tactics and strategies for dealing with our abusers. They are not the only ones with tactics. lol

      Thanks serenity for sharing Grey Rock Method with us.

    • #11049
      SilkyHalide
      Participant

      Thank you ladies
      Yes I was “grey rock” yesterday before your advice, which I was worried might make it more likely to make him try again for contact today.
      I’ll never know what he was planning if anything as a third party was here and if he had planned he didn’t bother carrying it through.
      If I averted an in front of the children drama then that is a good result.
      😉

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