- This topic has 30 replies, 13 voices, and was last updated 4 years, 5 months ago by
.
-
Posts
-
-
Hi, I don’t know if anyone else has had this experience. I have two very cute and adorable pets, lets pretend they are fluffy lambs. Gentle, innocent, affectionate, and loving. faithful. I noticed now and again that they don’t like me touching their heads and will duck and avoid my hand, when they used to love it. Or run away. Then heard one making little screams when I was elsewhere in the house, he (the oh) was in a room with them. When challenged he said the animal just made the noise when picked by him. Yesterday he did not realise I was around and the animal screamed loudly when he entered the room, I could not see but heard. The animal has been very clingy for weeks, following me and not wanting to leave my side, leaving the area if he approaches.Lots of unaccountable nervous behaviours from them.
I feel sick.
-
-
Not exactly the same situation for me but alarm bells are ringing. I had 2 cats when I got together with my partner, he was all “I love animals, how gorgeous are they” etc etc. A few months into the relationship, the younger of the 2 became very poorly (this was before my partner moved in with me) – he was absolutely useless, no empathy. Was very shocked by his behaviour after everything he’d said previous, praising how I looked after them both. Long story short, the cat had to be put to sleep as he had cancer and nothing could be done. Cue the start of the downward spiral with my partner and the other cat. Firstly, I got no support from him after the trauma and he started making critical comments about the cat left (who is much older and has IBS). Secondly, after he moved in, he now downright refuses to do ANYTHING for her so if I’m away for the day working and he comes back in he won’t feed her or clean her litter tray. “I hate the smell of cat food”, “this house constantly stinks”, “she’s old and will die soon anyway”. It is horrible, he has made me feel like all of her problems are my fault. He won’t go near her but she craves his attention. I catch him hissing at her sometimes when I’ve been out the room and come back in. The poor girl is at least 20 and knew a peaceful loving home before and I can see she’s confused. She has got a lot more poorly while he’s been living here and I hate to think it’s the stress of his behaviour towards her and my stress around him. DO NOT ignore this behaviour at your end. Thank you for posting this as it has woken me up to how difficult it is this end, on top of all the other struggles. I feel sick too. I don’t think my partner has hurt my cat but perhaps it’s not far from happening. We both need to be vigilant. You are not being silly, if you feel something isn’t right it most likely isn’t. Good luck and please keep posting x x
-
Hi, my parent’s dog would act in a similar way towards my ex, she would back away if he came towards her and she’d growl at him if he touched me. He would get in her face and deliberately annoy her until she snapped at him, then put his hands around her mouth/nose, force her head into the floor and hold her down as her ‘punishment’ for snapping at him. Weirdly, he actually really likes animals and would get angry at anyone else if they hurt an animal, but he seemed to justify it if he was doing it as a ‘punishment’, thinking that she deserved it. He would also tell me about animals that he’d tortured and killed as a child, trying to convince me that it was normal. If your pets are acting differently around him, maybe they’re scared of him, either because of how he’s treated them, or because they’ve seen how he treats you? x
-
Absolutely. Mine did it even in front of me to hurt me and to show what would happen to me if I didn’t do as he said. There is evidence showing a clear link. In fact when the police did a safety assessment one of the questions was has he ever hurt a pet or animal. If he’s hurting them behind your back it won’t be long before he does it in front of you.
-
He used to press on them really hard and make stupid noises which they struggled against, I made him stop. I have a very popular high tech listening device which I leave on occasionally when I am working so I can hear if the ‘lambs’(!) need me. I have heard him making that noise when he doesn’t realise the device is on and he is undoubtedly hurting them. I have to go away for a few days ….
-
-
-
-
-
Hi I was about to reply then read that you’re divorcing.😊my oh too harmed our dogs, one of them died which I think was as a result of a kicking,throttling he gave it fir biting him. The dog had been warning him for a long time, and this time he just nipped him and drew blood. I couldn’t do a thing, I literally froze. He thought nothing of stomping on them in front of me, all sorts. I am so happy to hear yours won’t go through what mine did. Funny thing is he too hates to hear of pets being hurt by others, but doesn’t see what he does as wrong, as he’s top dog and they have to obey him. They do as I tell them, are always happy around me. I too have left my oh, won’t be going back to him. Reading what others pets have gone through hardens me to my oh even more.
I hope you are safe and find peace. I’m thinking of starting up a fostering service for animals as many of us can’t take our pets into refuge accommodation with us. I understand in a more communal environment, it could be chaotic, but fir those of us who are on our own, it would help with our mental health, physical and also make us feel safer. I’ve written to the new Domestic Abuse Commissioner when she was asking wh aw t she could fo to improve things fir us. I’ve been in touch with my local councillor who has also sent an email to her and to Westminster and Holyrood politicians asking girls their support on our behalf. Time will tell.
Again I’m so happy to hear your ‘lambs’ are out and away from him.
IWMB 💞💞 -
Oh my god that is a shocking tale, I am so so sorry.
Yes things are looking up. Your idea is fabulous, there is a huge amount o research that shows the benefits of pets to people with mental health problems, or who are in distress. It would make such a difference to so many people if they could keep their pets. Keeps us good humans on an even keel.
Well he did tell one of my ‘lambs’ today (the one he doesn’t hurt) that he would miss it. He bizarrely started describing how this animal does not respond well to change. I had just told him that I been diagnosed with a severe immune problem (illness changed for anonymity). He did not even blink but questioned what evidence there was for this,,,,did not ask if I was in pain, would get better, so on.then made me feel guilty about the dog and displayed his caring, sensitive side to show how evil I am by bringing it away on holiday.
Oh my word they are so ……
I can’t believe that I have listen to this c**p for so many decades. -
Omg! This is so awful. My ex was an a***e of the highest order, but he never hurt our pets. That would be a deal breaker for me. Why do these people have to be so vile??
-
How dreadful for you and for the little animals. I am so sorry.
My cruel ex husbeast appeared to love animals but once when his parents were away he tied the family dog to the washing pole and hosed it with cold water because she rolled in some poop. I said STOP STOP she’s whining! She was trembling with fear later. He didn’t even dry her.
I used to feel so confused, I was very young you see.
Another time he dragged my delicate cat by her hind legs …. I screamed stop stop you will break her legs. But most of the time he would be kind and loving to animals, it was most weird.
It still makes me sick. What a creep.
I find these men hate children too and will be cruel if left in charge. -
-
I’ve thought about setting up a fostering service too, so pets can be reunited with their families once they are in a safer place. I’d be a complete wreck without my pet. I’m so glad you are able to take the lambs on holiday with you.
-
I have put off reading this post because just the headline made me feel sick. My ex apparently adored my cat but I would never trust him totally with her because of how he abused me. After he left and me recovering from my injuries, he never asked how I was. But he missed the cat and wanted to know how she was. Weird. If he could abuse a human being…?
The night the police came and made me move out for the night for my safety, I made them take me back so I could open the cat flap so she could escape if she needed to because I knew he would go on a wrecking rampage in the house (and he did).
Animals know. And remember. But she is fine and happy and snuggled next to me right now thank god.
I absolutely love this idea of fostering pets to get them away from abuse. I would love to support it in any way I can. From my life experience, I much prefer animals to human! Apart from you lovely ladies obvs ❤️😘 xx
-
Well my oh left me alone to cope with severe injuries after a crash for weeks on end (I changed some details)… I was seriously ill and vulnerable. He didn’t even text to see how I was. When he did initiate contact it was to complain he could not communicate with me. Then he asked how a pigeon he rescued was doing. Never once asked after me, even on his return. I pointed out to him that I could not understand how he can care for animals and not his wife. He laughed.
-
They are odd Cecile. I used to suffer with severe migraines that kept me in bed for whole days. Never once did he come to see if I was ok or needed anything- even a drink of water. No. I had to stagger downstairs to get my own while his face was planted in his computer or phone. I used to think it was a cultural thing or he was in denial because he was scared and loved me but no. Just another n**********c ar*ehole.
I hope you have a fabulous holiday, enjoy every minute and thank you for taking care of your pets, they are truly our best friends xx
-
-
(Detail removed by moderator) That is the nature of coercive control. Women get manipulated and stuck. I would gladly walk away today but I would end up sleeping on the street with my pets. I have absolutely no one to help me as family or friend and am taking the step by step problem to resolving everything through legal means. That is the only solution. Coming on here to talk is a way of having people bear witness to my experiences. When I see what I have written I am horrified that I have put up with it tbh for so long.
-
Cecile, you don’t have to justify your decisions or your story. You’ve been so brave to share your story on here. Please don’t feel you can’t do that. No one has the right to judge. I know it can be shocking to admit to some of what has gone on. It’s not your fault though is it? Abuse is complex and takes many many forms. The last thing anyone needs to feel is shame.
I saw a post a friend shared on social media about ‘strong women’ and how ‘strong women’ don’t put up with this and that. I wanted to comment but I didn’t want to draw attention to myself or my situation. I just thought it should have been about ‘strong men’ who don’t go about abusing women. I am a b****y strong educated woman yet here I am living this life.
The process of getting out can be long. Particularly when options and support are few.
Take care x
-
-
-
-
-
-
-
-
-
-
I believe the rspca ha e a fostering service for people escaping dv.
-
- You must be logged in to reply to this topic.
